07/19/2424
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I feel so fucking lost rn. I wanna tell him I’m hurting I wanna find out if we are ok. I miss my best friend. But I’m not sure this is fixable this time. The things he said and the recording me all of it . I can get over the rest I can forgive the cheating if I was even sure I’m really what he wanted. And the fucked up part is I worry. Will someone else see his perfection like me, or hoe beautiful his eyes are or will she know some times he flinches in his sleep or love the way his scratchy beard tickles her collar bone when he burries his face in her neck while the cums.l how cute my lil shoes look on the side of his big shoes… will she have Mountain dew waiting when he wakes….or get butterflies in her belly when he pulls in from a long days work…. Moreover will I ever feel that love and wonderment we once felt for one another. I can’t believe he made me out to be some dick hungry hag. He made me settle for just dick because he took the rest away. And I settled for that because if it had to be enough at least it was him and I for that split moment. I’m sick of loving souch and feeling wrong for it if I can’t love all of him why should I settle for just a lil bit. What am I worth why has nobody loved me so indescimiantly thoroughly. The trust is so broken, his heart my heart it’s fake smiles and agony all the time. I wanna run and hide at the same time I wanna run to him. But instead I’m just ticky typing words here wondering if he even knows I miss him or if he thinks I’m out sourcing my heart and his love some where else . I feel sick like at any moment I might puke up all this hurt and hesitancy and completely turn inside out . I wanna tell him all this and not fight I wanna beg on my knees for the way things use to be and also blame and hate and scream for something I never thought could be broken while I placed the first swing at demolitiong maybe all we could have ever been. At the same time I don’t know if I could even believe we will ever be a fragment of what we once where. There’s no trust ….theres no faith. .there’s no clear path to the way back……I’m just here gagging back words cuz he won’t listen and if he would even pretend to care if most definitely say everything wrong……I’m so hurt.