If you were to revisit the things you said and the way you behaved, I don’t think you would have the courage to even accept to yourself that yes, this is me. You said I’m a fool and desperate for talking to you again and again. My sole purpose in keeping my ego aside and trying to sort things out was that I didn’t want to ruin our relation from the root. I stopped talking to you for the sake of both our careers, and everyone knows the situation my family was in at that time. Now, you are in your dream place, and I’m getting my shit together. If we think about it, what loss have I caused you? Still, I never tried to justify it and counted it as my fault. Unintentional and intentional hurt are very different things. You intentionally did things to play with me.

You were right about one thing you said: if a person is very close to you but once your need for them is over, you will never leave them but instead drag them to a level where they have to leave you to survive. Honestly, I was such a fool to think that nobody could be so inhuman as to practically do this to someone.

Let’s take that incident when we were having a nice conversation and then while saying goodbye, you said, “I had a dream yesterday. It’s about which colleges we get into after JEE. I finally got into the best college.” I said, “Hey, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy to hear this. By the way, did you see anything about me in your dream?” You said, “Yes, actually. I don’t know why, but in my dream, you were also in a good college but not the best. And I don’t know why, but when I was in college, you were constantly calling and messaging me, but I was ignoring you. Then after some days, you left your college just to see me.” What does that even mean? You know there’s a lot of stuff like this. Stuff that I’m ashamed to write about because it shows how stupid I was to talk to you despite all that you did.

Yes, I know academically I’m not at par with you because I really don’t want to be. But I can earn bread for my family. I wrote you paragraphs, called you, texted you… God knows how many times a day I thought of you. Just when, after hell lots of effort, I tried to get back to my old self, three years later randomly, you text me saying that you’re sorry for what you did. Normally, I appreciate apologies (you know this better), but this time, I owe an apology to myself. I understand you’re doing all this to not let me escape your matrix of emotional exploitation.

I might not remember all of your toxic mind games, but I will always remember that pain. There’s a saying: a good person may act bad but only for a while; similarly, a bad person can act good but only for a while. I can never wish bad things to happen to you, but honestly, I’m jealous of everyone whom you’ve never met! You said that it’s very easy for you to hurt me if you decide to do so. I definitely agree I can’t match your level on that. Next time, please find someone like you and not someone like me. No matter how hard I try, it’s impossible for me to get to your level to teach you a lesson because never in my life have I done that.