Entries 34
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Impatient
This will be the longest we have been apart since our anniversary date and I’m feeling all of it. Going so long without seeing you has had a noticable affect on my mood. There is something about ...
Wife
I call you wifey, but wife is what I really mean. Wifey feels cute and playful, but the heavier more meaningful word is most accurate. Why temper my words when you already know how strongly I fee...
Boredom
Hello my dear. I hear your concern about the possibility of me becoming bored and I don’t know if I can dispell that fear with words but here is at least something to keep in mind. When I come to...
Action
I barely lasted a week before I had to come see you. Quarterly visits won’t work. I want you. I want to feel your cheek against mine. I want to kiss the corner of your smile. I want your tongue i...
Relapse
I didn’t even make it a week before I needed to see you again. It was an extremely stressful week for you, but just a week nonetheless. I felt very present today. I woke early and was productive....
Appreciation
Even though I’ve already said it to you, I think it bears repeating. Thank you for not giving up and continuing to reach out to me. You always seemed to reach out at just the right time. This tim...
Time
It was interesting yesterday, going through my old Opendiary. It was kind of sad. The content wasn’t sad, but I know myself well enough to know that to be writing that prolifically I was in a dys...
Fret
I’m going to worry about you. I’m afraid I have no control over that. Sometimes I’ll worry a little. Sometimes I’ll worry a lot. If you encased yourself in a five inch layer of bubble wrap and la...
Hydra
There are times lately when my anxiety seemingly randomly spikes. Right before seeing your message I had a knot in my stomach. I popped half a gummy and took a shot of tequila as I cleaned the ki...
Permanent
We’ve come upon day three of my withdrawal from you and at this point I’m afraid the symptoms are permanent until I can get another taste of you. I thought perhaps I’d be able to distract myself ...
Mirrors
“When the mirror of my life is polished by your love, the mirror of the world is no longer dull and dark.” - Rumi As I attempt to parse through my feelings on day two without you, two things, at ...
Withdrawal - Day 1
Only day one of a full day without you and I already miss you. I was missing you before I left your city. Before I missed you without physical context. Previously I said that I couldn’t name what...
Certainty
Our first meeting is over. We’ve said our goodbyes. An odd mixture of euphoria over our belated meeting and how right it felt mixed with sadness at the departure. I sit in a haze, mind calm, but ...
Soon
I’m in your city, less than 20 minutes away. The last 12 hours will be harder than the last 12 days. My magnified insecurities are trumped by the need to see you. I’m tired but I can’t tell if it...
Change
We are so close that I can almost feel you. I was thinking about something you said, but were having trouble putting into words. What changes on that date. I understood you even if its hard to ar...
Dreams
As the time draws closer I seem to be having more dreams of you. Some I remember vividly, like me sneaking around your home, always on the verge of getting caught, until I catch you by yourself ...
Avarice
I believe the hardest thing about our first date won’t be the goodbyes, but the desire to do it again. Getting to see and talk to you via video has a calming and energizing affect on me, especial...
Elefante en el habitación
What’s done is done and I can only do what I’ve already done because you cannot rewrite history. That doesn’t stop me from being, probably unreasonably, upset at myself. I’m also angry at HIM. Th...
Defining
I am tired my dear. Hopefully I get some sleep tonight. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I involuntarily fell asleep this afternoon and struggled unsuccessfully to wake up. It hit me again ...
Long day
Today was interesting. I definitely was getting very irritated at work dealing with my co-workers. I think it was a culmination of things, but my high level of irritation made me have to stop and...
Optimism
I was feeling down yesterday. But today the excitement of meeting you started to kick in. I am traditionally not an excitable or optimistic person but it is hard to put into words how it feels wh...
Compatibility of Lovers
Chapter 1 A Comparison of Temperaments and Life Styles that Affect Your Ability to Harmonize with Each Other Dante’s Sun in Leo and Joy’s Sun in Libra This can be a very warm and mutually ful...
Mood
I was looking at my countdown timer and we are almost down to single digit days. That causes excitement and anxiety. It would be a devastating, but survivable, blow if the date was pushed back ag...
Prototype
I don’t know if I can alleviate your concerns about occupying space, but I’d invite you to take more. I know that isn’t practical now, but my hope is that you will occupy a whole lot more of my s...
Stillness
Waiting isn’t easy for me, not at all. I struggle with stillness and inaction. Even when there is nothing to do, I still struggle with it. For instance, today you dealt with a lot of hard things....
