Entries 14
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Every Once in a While the Fish Let Go the Line
The moment I turned out of my driveway and saw a dog taking a dump, I knew it was going to be one of those days. Beautiful, sunshiney day and the first thing I see is a dog straining to poo. Gr...
Untitled.
I did it. I fucking did it. Excuse the French. I called and left a message for a therapist. I know that sounds like nothing, but it is EVERYTHING for me. I call myself Phone Adverse and I leg...
Oh.
I’ve been writing but not posting. Putting FULL entries down and just deleting them. Why? I found them blah. Yesterday, I wrote about 100 words about my new obsession for the theme song of seaso...
You Can't Dance And Stay Uptight
I am the worst. I haven’t written in 15 days. No bueno I feel like a lot and nothing has gone down while I’ve been MIA. Also, I feel like this month has flown by so far. Baby T’s 16th birthday h...
I'm the Baddest Car in the Parking Lot
Coffee #1. I try to wait 15 minutes after my morning teeth brush before I drink coffee. I do feel bad for the chompers. I imagine they are like vampires if someone pulls the blinds in the morni...
Why You Gotta Be So Rude?
I had my first trolling yesterday. I’ve made it. Kidding, of course. Excuse my French if you were reading any comments. I lost it slightly. It made me wonder; can I block people on this site? I ...
The Future Started Yesterday and We're Already Late
Another mass shooting at a school. [BLEEP] Foreseeing a tough day ahead for work, also because of the fire at the migrant camp. I haven’t learned the details yet about the fire, but 30-something...
You Will Always be my Queen
I finally defeated Daylight Saving Time. Yes, I know we are well more than a week from when it happened. There is just something about not wanting to get out of bed when you are under a weighte...
Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
Can it finally be? The Jets may have secured Aaron Rodgers. We have not made the playoffs since 2010 and now could possibly be Super Bowl contenders. Now, in all honesty, I did not want AR12 on ...
Slow Down You Crazy Child
Sleep has been evading me as late. Until I need to wake up in the morning that is. Then all I want to do is sleep. Sometimes I blame the weighted blanket because it just can feel so darn comfor...
Take My Hand, We'll Make It I Swear
I’ve decided to be a good, productive little independent contractor and move back from my laptop on the couch to my proper desk. I’ll still use the amazing Ugg throw blanket that Anya got me. T...
Only Time
“If I don’t get this Enya song out of my head, I may scream!” That was my thought yesterday when “Only Time” was playing on a loop — literally, just the two words “only time.” Repeating over and ...
I'm Burning Through The Sky
Day two. Emotional hangover. Don’t hate, they exist. I am having one right now, and it is day two of it. I have begun to realize that when I get into an argument with a loved one, I have an imm...
I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone.
Type entry here… What an effortless way to begin… NOT. I’ve decided to start journaling because, well, I need somewhere to put my thoughts. Perhaps, this is a last-ditch effort to prove to mysel...
Book Description
I’ve decided to start journaling here because, well, I need somewhere to put my thoughts. Perhaps, this is a last-ditch effort to prove to myself that I don’t need help with a therapist, rehab, or what have you. I just need somewhere to put my collective thoughts.
I have been struggling with the diseases of perfectionism, low confidence, and people-pleasing. Yes, I know people have real diseases and real strife, but this has some effects on my overall state as well. I think my entire world has been conditioned terribly and now I am struggling to find a way out of it. Like, I have these 20+ year habits that are terrible and it is overwhelming to try and break them. For clarity, I was raised in a “You don’t talk about your shit” environment. So starting to do that is terrifying. So here we go…
I am not comfortable socializing with people without alcohol. I know that sounds totally alcoholic and maybe it is. Unfortunately, alcohol has some terrible and adverse effects, which I am aware of. I do not need the lessons on that. So now, I’m like, I have to stop drinking wine. Wine is my issue, not alcohol. I can have vodka and the like around, and it’s whatever. But if there is wine around, I will drink it. No doubt. And I’m talking liters, not bottles.
G is getting annoyed with my wine intake. And he has every reason to be. It has become a nightly habit to drink wine with dinner (and before and after). It is a habit I need to change. I am going to try and start that tonight. But let me just proceed to finish off the wine I have in the apartment first. Ugh. See? That’s the problem. But I did it.
That being said, G is my ultimate love. He is the most patient and loving person. He literally allows me to explore and be me. And that is all one can ask for. And that is why I need to make some changes for him. And it isn’t conforming to a man… It’s evolving to be a better person.
Where to start?
