Everyone said to me when I was little that time would speed up as I grew up. I never really believed that. Unfortunately, they were correct; time does speed up when you what everything to stop. I struggle with my mental health, and for years I was in denial that someone so happy once could be so sad. Depression is a funny thing. At least for me. I have the highest highs and some bad lows. When life seems to be going right, all of a sudden, everything turns upside down. My life is like a light switch. It’s bright at times and dark at other times.
I know my mental health is getting bad when I almost see flashbacks from times when I was happy. I see the little girl I was once. I can feel the colorful sweater with stripes of all my favorite colors, the tight long black braid hitting my back as I run. The barbie I held tight in my hands, and I think the part that reassures my feelings is hearing my laugh. When I was a kid, I had the most contagious laugh. I could laugh for hours and make others happy with just a laugh. Now I laugh until I tell myself that I probably look stupid. I used to never think I looked stupid. I’m going to college next fall and am extremely worried about myself. I won’t hurt myself or anything stupid, but I’m concerned that I won’t be able to adjust the way I envision. Time is the real thief of happiness. I need more time to be loved. I need more time with my family. I need more time in my childhood bedroom. I need more time to smile. I need more time to laugh. And I need more time to be okay.