I am not sure but, you might be 18 or 19. I know how lonely you are. You are still wondering what future lies ahead for you. Lots of thoughts going into your mind. You were never worried about what you will be eating tomorrow or day after tomorrow. You knew you would not be sleeping empty stomach or this thought never came to you.
You always anticipated that future will be good. You will be doing something which excites you or the matter of fact for living you have to work. You were brave enough to not reveal adversity. You were always aloof thinking about something in your head. The city was big jungle to you. You were surviving day by day. You were fearless in your heart. But the eyes revealed everything. The cheeky smile for no apparent reason. Smiling for pleasing the speaker as if he should not read your eyes and ask you how are you doing. Then a sudden burst of tears come out of no where, avoiding eye contact, smiling for no reason.
you wake-up every morning and run for the college The college to which you need to change at least 2 buses sometimes more than that. Start, walk, run and run. I am not sure weather you were more brave then now or just life thought you lessons he hard way. You had an attitude which if someone I would have had now I would slapped him so hard. You are in a dream my child wake up. There is nothing you can do run away run away from this world.
If i would have told you what your life would be now i am not sure you would be crying or happy with ecstasy . This is not what you dream for it was much much better. Aiming for stars you landed on moon. I am sure you would have traded anything for reaching here. All the handwork, the sacrifices, the troubles, being foolish being clumsy, being naive being ruthless had paid you well.
Afraid not my friend, I am not sure you ever fallen in love but you certainly had your heart broken. The pain the agony that no one will know, but you have cried you were restless and you had asked only one question why - why. Am i not worthy for it. What different i should have done to get it. what am i doing wrong. what did i do wrong, Who is writing the terrible script of my life. how long do I need to wait. well the wait is longer than you think, You were brave but not braver than you think in this matter. Afraid not you will be rejected, you will reject. And you will understand letting go is the good thing. And may be may be holding on was good, you never know.
All the best do what your heart say be naive be careful my friend life is a long journey. The future is dark and you are alone but this is just the dawn my friend.