Been a long time since ive written on this app, but i promise i want to contuine using this app. Ive just read what i wrote a few months ago, the anxiety the pain and unhappiness hasnt left me. I feel horrible with the way I look and feel. My friends have all vanished and the ones that remain I do not trust. Its hard to feel like this. I am lonely. I cant share or talk to anyone about my mental health problems. It hurts me. 

I feel sick. Constantly sad and angry at my situation. I mean i should be grateful to be put into such a fornuate situation. I have money, clothes, looks and brains. Im doing well accedamically but not well mentally. My mental health has been on a constant down since last year. I want to change this feeling of unhappiness and contant pain. I sit alone in my room crying to myself alone. No one can see or hear me but the walls. Its always been like this only now Ive managed to understand the root of the problem. I need to leave my friends behind and discover my own path. I dont want to speak to them. I dont want to hangout with them. Ive been nothing but supportive. George has replaced me for bigger and better. He hasnt bothered to contact me or make plans like we used to. It hurts me very deeply because i considerd him a close friend. but i guess nothing good lasts hub?

Easy soloution would be find yourself a boyfriend, u did that before when your parents subjected you to emotional abuse. Talking about that time hurts. It brings back contastant dark memories which I refuse to bring to the surface. When i talk to my dad he just ignores me unless its something that beenfits him and my mother sees me as a cash cow. They dont love me or even if they do they dont show me . My main issue is I am ALONE> ALONE< no one to talk to and share this with. Its hard and i wish someone had my back like I have countless times. I want that :(

I dont talk to anyone about my constant mental health stuggles, the abuse ive sufferd throguhout my entire childhood. I remmeber when i was 7 i wanted to kill myself at 7? i dont think thats normal at all but its a secreat. My emotions are high and theres alot of pain that I dont think i can handle anymore. How do i remove it how do i get rid of this. I wish someone was there for me and could tell me the answer. untill then ill contuine wiriting. I dont seek pity or sympathy. I dont want anything but a shoulder to cry on.But i guess that is something too much to ask for.

Anyways Ill talk to you tommrow about how im feeling im sure itll change but i shall always remember that i am very strong mentally. I act tough and put together but its far from who  I really am. I dont think anyone really knows me. And I dont think this would change. The only thing i could do is be a better vesion of myself. anyways enough of the self help bs, im off. come back tommrow fatima so we can talk about it all.