To begin, there are a lot of things I believe in and stand by. Your usual – don’t beat your family up, don’t cause more trouble than you’re worth. But something that has been close to my heart, is having a figure to look up to and role model after within your family. I believe that my family is what you would call a “normal” family. A mother who looks out for her child (even though borderline naggy one might say), a sister that is ferociously protective of you (my sec sch self thanks you), a helper that has given up her family to raise you, and a father who loves in a different language. There is a lot of things that can potentially happen in a family like this. One might feel entitled growing up while another might feel suffocated. But this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong. It might be far from perfect, but it’s the best everyone is trying to do, in their own terms.

Personally, I’ve had a combination of the above – a naggy mum that comes from love, a straightforward, albeitly old-school father, a sister to look out for you, and a helper who loves unconditionally. To tell the truth, there were a lot of things I was privy to, but always in secret – “the youngest cannot know about it”. Because of the structure of my family, I eventually became the one that people told things to but re-emphasized how important it was to keep mum. That was my normal growing up. At first, I thought it to be the way things are in a family and I accepted it. I loved being trusted as a confident. It made me feel reliable.

Fast forward a few years, I start becoming occasionally resentful. Thoughts about how “this shouldn’t be how a family works” or “why am I caught in the middle again” flooded through my mind and I started being a little more nonchalant about things that occurred in my family. Giving myself the excuse of, “I’ve already done this much, I deserve a break just this one argument”. And I know, it sounds selfish. There’s a lot of “I” in this essay so far and I am very aware of it but honestly at this stage, I am feeling like I should give myself some credit however little.

Okay fast forward to why I wrote this in the first place. I was out by the river having some drinks by myself and was walking back home towards the later part of the evening. I heard from afar a woman speaking in a louder volume but didn’t quite pay attention to what she was saying, although I was aware of her child bawling. As I got nearer, I heard her speak to the husband “you see, you hit us and that is why he (the child) is crying” and followed by, “you see my arm is painful” and the moment I heard these words, my ears perked up and my attention focused.

As I got nearer, I heard how the husband responded in an irritable manner (didn’t quite catch his words) as well as being dismissive, which led him to riding away on his bike on his own as an attempt at a “aiya-I-don’t-care-about-y’all-I’ll-leave-first-see-if-y’all-follow” move. It was then I got closer to the family (plus the bawling kid) and I asked, “are you okay?”, to which I got a dismissive “yea i’m okay”. Post asking, “are you sure?”, I received a pacifying response, I went on my way and continued walking in the direction of home which happened to be aligned with that of the husband. He turned around after a while and rode back towards the family – what I can only imagine as a “Okay-I’ll-magnanimously-come-back-to-you-guys, -so-you-better-appreciate-that-at-least-I’m-not-leaving-you” move. Subsequently, I heard the mother tell the husband – “you see, even other people need to ask if I’m okay yknow?”. I did not hear any response, but the family rode off, past me, with the kid still crying and his brother telling him to stop, and silent parents.

There was a huge part of me that wanted to stop the father and tell him why he needs to treat his family with respect. That is only fair right? It is how anyone should be treated. But I did not, and I do not know why. Maybe it is because I was brought up to think that this is the kind of figure that we should accept in our household. Or maybe I was not brave enough to stand up to a “father figure”. As much as the thought went through my mind, the fact is that I did not stand up for a mother that could not do it for herself, or children that are not aware of what a proper role model/figure in the family should be like. It should not be a father walking away upset, neither should it be a mother whose words are to emphasize the effect of the father actions, but rather teach him why it’s wrong to do so. What I would have wanted to get across to the parents is to remind them of how their actions impact the little ones. Because the father was granted his anger and “walking away”, it resulted in the elder kid was telling the younger child to basically “suck it up” or “it’s not that painful” to restore some level of peace within the family’s cycling trip.

We need to know that this is the kind of behavior that we are passing on that and we should all disagree with – it is not right. We need to do better. I need to do better.