First of all some disclaimers: I’m writing this for myself. I want to write down my experiences so that I can organise it in my head to help me leave this chapter of my life behind me. English is not my first language. I’ve never officially been diagnosed with depression. Trigger warnings: Suicidal thoughts, self harm and (self diagnosed) depression. This is my experience and these are things that helped me and things that didn’t help me, but that doesn’t mean it works the same for everyone. I’m no medical professional so don’t see this as advice. If my experiences can help anyone I would be very happy, but that’s not why I’m writing it down.

So, here we are. In this “book” I will write down my experiences with my mental health issues. It’ll probably be a mess, I don’t intend it to be chronological or to have a structure in any way. I’ve noticed that over the last two years or so I’ve been slowly getting better, and right now I’m at a place where I think I’m okay, I enjoy life, I might even be happy. However, every couple days I think back on the last few years and I cry about it, even though I’m not feeling like I used to anymore. I hope writing this book can help me take control over those moments, so that I can decide when to think back and when not to.