So. What do you do when you have blown up your life? I wish I knew. I wish I could skip ahead and see if I have really ruined it or if the decisions I have made were the right ones. They felt right at the time. They feel right the majority of the time. They don’t feel right on nights where I have to flee the apartment because I am still a secret. They don’t feel right when reality hits and that apartment isn’t really home. As much as we both want it to be, it’s not. Why do I long for something that ended 5 months ago when at the time ending it felt so free?