I recently went through a breakup - well not really a breakup, more a rejection - and I feel like shit. I’m not sad because I’m not seeing that person again but more because of the fact I was rejected, and not for the 1st or 2nd time but for the 500th. That got me thinking, am I really so hard to like? I am a normal person, or at least I like to think I am. I look kinda average, I study, I work, I go out with friends, I laugh, I cry, and still no one has ever liked me for the person I am. And at the same time I’m meeting all kinds of persons who – without trying to be mean- have some traits which I think are difficult to be liked and still they have someone who they can talk to and confide in.
I am always trying to do what’s best, trying not to hurt anybody, and watching other persons around me wipe out everything they come across with no matter who they hurt, and still they are loved. And again I ask myself, am I so hard to be loved?
I’m long past that stage where my insecurities rely on my appearances, but something even worse is being insecure about how you are as a person, because that is something you can’t change. In my 19 years, I have never had someone who I’ve been so close to I didn’t care about anything else and that feels like shit seeing everyone around you having that.
What is then the purpose of life in this case? I am ok at school; but not the best, I am ok at work; but not highly valued, I am ok with my friends; but wouldn’t be missed if I wasn’t, and I am liked; but not loved. I constantly find myself trying doing the best I can, and others putting 0 effort taking everything.
There’s no point in trying and still I do, but I am running out of reasons honestly. And at the same time I haven’t, I have a family who loves me and a group of friends who are the best that has happened to me this year, and also I don’t know what the future awaits so here there’s at least 3 reasons more to keep trying😊