It’s the same thing over and over again. It gets worse each time and when I get confident it stabs me in the back. In public it’s one of those things that people know exists but becomes a whiff of silence when it gets personal. When you’ve tarnished your bridges and have no one else to express to your left with yourself. You remain a beloved student but inside you lose purpose and turn to figments of your imagination to ignite the fire within you for the next year or two. Is it really because ‘you’ that the late nights of work was accomplished or was it the fear of failing that imaginary figment, carrying the stress and guilt all dramatically generated in your head.

I think there’s a deeper meaning to it, I’m just too lazy to look elsewhere. I’ve gone from fully dependent on these figures throughout my childhood and later years to nearly independent. I guess I have yet to mature myself a thicker shell to protect myself as well as others can publicly. I think it’s a worthwhile investigation, even if I hurt myself in the process, lets see where things go from here.