Entries 6
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Back
Back from the therapist, I feel for the first time I could be myself, really myself in there. No suppressed tears, no ingratiation, no really long thinking pauses before I say what I think I shou...
One-way traffic
I started writing a new entry some minutes ago about the fights in my head and how my mind is preoccupied with it to a degree that nothing else seems to matter, but I couldn’t finish it. I often ...
Not my humanity
Funny how a day can change in seconds - at least it does for me. I go through a fuckton of emotions from one moment to the next; I can never say if I’m having a good or a bad day - all my days ar...
Inward eyes, looking out
A moment of rare clarity as I’m walking, as always in daze of non-presentness, down the street. Nothing special about it, a few people around, an old man holding a tiny dog in his arms. I walk an...
She's not there
My body quivers looking outside and into the gray-ish Monday afternoon for reasons only my half-addled mind knows deep within itself. I recede into it without really touching, just sort of leanin...
The Vanishing Act
What do you do, when you might want to want, but don’t really want anything at all? How is one supposed to live one’s life not wanting, not really needing, except to disappear completely? Just to...
Book Description
“Out of the mirror” is my attempt at getting back out into the world and out of my self-contained thought bubble, one word at a time.
I used to write a lot; to deal with emotional crap, to express myself in a way I could not in conversation, to see the world and myself in a different light, to purge everything I could not contain and then soak it back up, now filtered and more clear. But something happened - a lot of things happened - while I wasn’t watching, and my words sort of fell apart and I came undone with them.
I’ve since tried writing diaries, small emotional stories and just general thoughts - I probably have five or six different note books half filled with attempts at writing - but somehow, my own company is not enough to get the actual thoughts flowing. I realized that I needed an audience, even a silent one - and a practical way of organizing the writing. Also, I can never be consistent with my handwriting, so a digital one helps.
I’ve also drawn some inspiration from other writers to get me started - specifically, randomly buying “Milk and Honey” by Rupi Kaur was extremely helpful in getting my language flowing again. She gave me an example of a voice to imitate and then find my own, so for that, I am uncharacteristically grateful.
