Book Description

I am 19 years old and just beginning my amazing adventure of a life that is coming my way. When someone asks me if I have friends, I almost feel as if I am lying to myself. The friends I had in the past are not there for me anymore, they can care less what I feel or do and all they ever do when they do come around is smoke weed and leave. I can’t tell if I’m happy or not, I drive myself crazy every fucking day and sometimes ill break down because I don’t know what to do… I just don’t know what to do with myself or anything. I am not stupid in any way but I am definitely ignorant and I am getting wiser and wiser as I am growing and I love that feeling, it is almost as if I’m high on life. Yes in appearance I am becoming very attractive but for me, what’s making me happy so far is the way I think. but how did I even get here? I lie and tell people my father had kicked me out, but that isn’t the case. the only thing he said to me was “if you don’t fucking like me then leave”. when he said that to me, I took the opportunity and realized how bad my father was to me my whole life but I still love that damn man with everything. I would die for him. but he doesn’t care or even know where I am. I lost my dog, my cat, my gecko, my horse, just everything. I lost all my furniture and my bed and half of my clothes. I am always late on rent because I can barely afford it, my car is broken with a ticket and it’s going to get towed, unfortunately. when I did leave my fathers I was living in my car for two months and I’ve done bad things. I’ve slept with men to have a place to sleep. I feel gross but I’m not doing that anymore. after all of this, I still can’t say I’m depressed. I find the word depression too strong for the way I feel unless I am just confused about how I feel about everything. I think I am a happy person, in general, I am just lonely and struggling but there is no reason to sit and cry or ill just break myself down. I feel as if my life is starting its adventures for me. everything has a reason. and I have to remember my father isn’t the one that put me in this situation, it was my doing and I wouldn’t go back ever to him, as much as I love him I can’t face him now.