There have been very few situations of stress, no matter how insignificant, where I did not mentally find myself responsible. Including scenarios which had zero to do with anything I had said or done. Most times this “conclusion” comes immediately and not even rationalization will cure it. The more I try to reason internally, or externally with others, the less likely I am to sway.

I know this is extremely unhealthy. Yet, here I am again. Feelings of shame, guilt, and fear swarm all through me. Tears hurt more though. Even when I’m all alone, listening to my angels snore, I fight the tears. (Yes, even the inability to allow myself to cry causes me to feel ashamed).