It’s a few weeks from Christmas. There was a shooting at pearl, and then one at NAS Pensacola. The president is on trial for being a piece of shit, my parents support him, and my wife is depressed and basically worthless. I am being crushed by trying to finish this semester at school and also perform at work. So that’s the good news, lol. My Boys are extremely smart boys. The oldest knows all his letters and can count to 20. The youngest can sing the ABC’s and a bunch of other songs. The frozen 2 soundtrack is on repeat throughout the house and my mind.
I spent the evening entertaining the boys and creating a Christmas playlist. I asked my friend Drew to collaborate, and so far, its spot on. Currently listening to Mele kiliki moka by Kasey Musgraves. It makes me miss Hawaii and think about recent events there. Yesterday was Pearl Harbor day. I wish I had used my time there better, it’s a very special place and I squandered it like a drunken sailor. My old friend Kayla was on base when the shooting happened at the shipyard. My wife didn’t even ask how she was, she was too preoccupied with her god damn phone.
Christmas will be low key, my sister will be coming, no kids or family this time. That means I’ll actually have to talk to her. Sigh…….
Grateful for Christmas comes on now by Hayes Carll. Probably the most real Christmas song ever written, I’m going to play it again. I told my wife I loved her at his concert. It was a shitty venue, and I was drunk, but I meant it. I still do. I just can’t do this alone, and that’s basically where I am at. I have to deal with the boys and HER. Plus work and school. And finances. I need help like another functioning adult would be nice.
Were Bukowski and Kerouac right? Nihilistic and selfish to the core? No, I prefer Vonnegut. He was funny and stared death in the face and laughed. Should I quit take the boys and run? I often think about that. Divorce and get custody, I could document her failures and build a case. It would crush her. I don’t think yet that I need to do that, but rather try to fix it. I think It was Vonnegut who said something about the problem with human nature is everyone wants to build, but not maintain. I guess that’s the problem with relationships, they need maintenance. This one sure does.
We’re taking a four-day weekend this weekend in a cabin up north. The goal is to allow time to finish the semester, have some time without kids, and maybe someone in this relationship will have an orgasm for once. I would like to do some hiking at Tettegouche as there is a ton of snow up there and it should be cold out. I imagine the falls are frozen and beautiful right now, but Kim has recently developed an allergy to cold…. Yes Cold. We live In Minnesota.
That’s about it I guess. Day to day struggle. Music and Whiskey and the occasional time where everyone is having fun are what is keeping this whole thing together. Gary Allen just told me through my speakers that there will be no more sorrow grief or pain on Christmas. I think Merle said it better, If we make it through December, everything will be all right.