Everyday feels like it is getting worse and worse. I cannot control my emotions and nothings makes me feel better. Sometimes I wonder if going to college or getting in a serious relationship was good for me and my mental well being.
College is college I suppose, but I wish I knew it would end up like this. I wish I was never forced to go straight out of high school and I wish I was smarter.
My relationship is a different story. Sometimes I like it.... sometimes I hate it. Seeing other people happy in their relationships makes me so sad, I wish I could be happy. I feel like I do everything in my power to make him happy and it really is never enough… He does not understand what it is like to constantly be sad, to constantly feel worthless, and then in an instant feel like I am on top of the world. Really I just hate being bipolar.

Back to my relationship..

Seeing how other boyfriends treat their significant others gets to me. Why can’t mine be romantic? Why can’t he see little things and tell me how they reminded him of me? Why did he not at least get me flowers on our anniversary? Why didn’t he get me a birthday gift?
I might sound materialistic but I promise I am not, I just long to feel wanted and at this current time, in my current relationship, I feel anything but that.
Lately, I feel like I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without wishing I was someone else. Is it my disorder making me feel this way? or is it that fact I feel so distraught about my boyfriend potentially entertaining other women that has brought my self-esteem this low. But hey, I do not blame him for finding other women attractive when I look like this.
I think I am going to start a diet – maybe like the last one where I only ate a few times a week. I got hit on a lot after my weight loss so maybe it will be good for my relationship? After all, my boyfriend does constantly tell me to go to the gym.