It’s always hard writing about something you want to stop thinking about. By repressing my feelings and thoughts I find myself day dreaming more often and obsessing over it rather than facing what I am feeling and moving on....hopefully.

It’s hard sharing these feelings that seem so cliche and so “relatable” when I never considered my life impacted by these problems that most people go through. I don’t open up to just anyone which is a great way to avoid getting caught up in your emotions…and I did exactly the opposite of that this time

When someone seems so genuine and you click with so well, how can you not open up? Can you not be your true, genuine self? How does everything change in a matter of 24 hours? Or am I mistaken and you were considering this whole time? Maybe she was feeling this way for a long time. But I just don’t believe that…

How can you go from facetiming everyday (I know, such a millennial thing to say), opening up to each other about our family and close friends, traveling hours to see one another…to ending it in less than 24 hours? How does that make sense? I think about it everyday. I come up with different theories about where it all could have gone wrong. Nothing makes sense.

I don’t know if I believe you when you say “I’m just not ready to be in a relationship right now” or “Im not in the right mental space to be in a relationship” when we were doing just fine a day ago, which I should mention, I was visiting her in Iowa. How does that make sense?

I truly believe if things are meant to work out between us, then she will come back. If everything we shared with each other was real, if the connection we had was genuine, everything will fall into palace at the right time. I would want someone to want me whole heartedly anyways rather than them having doubts.

I’m having a hard time moving on but I know with time, everything will be okay. I’m just having a very hard time, especially since I don’t go through this often.

I don’t know why I’m ashamed to feel this way. Maybe because its such a dumb problem to have. There are people who have much bigger problems out there and here you are sad because you got your heartbroken? Let’s not. Lets be aware of our privilege and not be sad anymore! We have other important stuff to worry about!