Since the beginning of my childhood, i have always been alone in school, always the last one left out and the one who is always eating alone in school. It didn’t get any better after that. when i was a teen i tried my hardest to make friends and in the end they drifted away. just like my crush always rejecting me. its fine i thought, there are many more fish out in the sea i guess. I was always a failure in school because i chose to make the utmost effort to maintain my friendships, to no avail. Whenever i liked a girl she would always reject me and end up with someone else, i was always okay with it as i only want who i love to be happy, but not without a cost of a permanent thorn of rejection piercing my heart. I have considered suicide at many points in my life but I thought if there was something i can do maybe its because i am not good enough that’s why i am being rejected so many times, rejection count up to 2 digits. So I worked to improve my studies and sacrificed everything to be the top few in my high school, only to find the same result of rejection and people drifting away from me. I tried to get a lot of money and even when i am relatively rich girls just seem to shun me all the same.

Now to college, I tried a fresh start and a new approach, i try to appear confident and talk to girls, smiling all the time and making the conversation as funny and interesting as possible. But in the end the same result happens, The only reason i can think of is i am ugly as fuck and my personality is dirt shit and that i will have and always be alone all my life. I wander the streets everyday with the sting of past experiences in my heart and try to look toward the solution to my problems. the bible says that those who commits suicide will go to hell but what could be worst then the hell i am living on right now?