I’m at the end of my rope.
This year has been difficult to say the least. Since September both my sister and my mom were diagnosed with cancer, I was arrested for public intox, went to rehab, lost my job and my house and most of my friends. Was offered a great job, only to have the offer rescinded due to the public intox charge. Finally, my husband, the love of my life, left me.
Yesterday I went to my house (we close on it tomorrow) and wrapped the blind cord around my neck. I kept it there for awhile and contemplated ending it all. The only reason I didn’t do it is because if I did it in that house then it probably won’t be sold and my estranged husband would be left with the mess.
I am so angry at myself. Maybe I couldn’t have prevented the cancer diagnoses, but I could have reacted in a more responsible way.
Instead I took myself way off course. I speak 4 languages, have a master’s degree and used to have a senior position at a state university, but now I work as a receptionist at a retirement home for minimum wage. I have failed myself and everyone who knows me. I am so alone.