Book Description

Hey there, I am new to this online Journal thing. I Guess I was just looking for a place to share my thoughts on recent events in my life. As of recently, I started talking to this guy that is in my grade and only in the last few days did I realize that it wasn’t because I liked this person but because they were just there to comfort me when I really needed someone. I don’t really know why I started talking to him other than that reason above, but I know that I should feel bad about just using them, but I don’t. Does this make a bad person? If I’m being completely honest with my self over that past couple years I thought that I would know who I was, I mean isn’t that what high school is about; figuring out who you are and what you like?
I came out during my freshman year and I thought that it was the right thing to do at the time, but I feel like since then I may not have allowed myself to explore my sexuality as much as I would have had I not come out. For instance, even though I came out, I still went out with a girl, just to see what that might be like and though we never did anything more than a kiss, it was freshman year, after all, I found that I didn’t like her in the way that might like a guy. Does this make me a bad person as well?
I think the reason why I don’t allow my self to like someone more than a month or so is that I just get bored. And not with the person or the feeling the but with the idea of what they represent. As an open gay in my social sphere is free as can be, but in the familiar sphere is as closeted as that dress that your mom bought for you but you truly hate.
Life is a mess that I don’t know if I’m ready to handle or if I’m just ready enough. I mean who truly is ready for what life has in store? I would argue no one truly is.....