Never apologize for being emotional or sensitive, theres strength in showing your heart..

But why do I feel like this is wrong? Why do I feel like Im worse now than I have ever been? Emotional abuse.. weve all heard of it. Most of us have been through it. But do we ever really realize what it does to us in the long run? I was once a very strong, independent, woman. I didnt let anyone stop me or get in my way and I never took No as an answer.. Through years of my marriage going up and down and up and down, I lost myself somewhere In the mess. “I wasnt always this bad..” is what I keep telling myself.. but the truth is, Im healing years of damage done between myself and another person.. No I wasnt always this bad, but I let it get this bad. I let myself get lost. I let the bad keep coming because I feared giving up.. I feared living for myself and now im paying the consequences for what Ive become. . for the emotions I cant handle. I RELY on others to help me through this.. when I was once a super woman.. and thats okay right? Everyone needs help every now and then. . WE ALL NEED SOMEONE..

Whats so sad is I dont even know where to start with this healing process. Ive moved on, Im past my divorce. The pain itsself has stopped. And now ive found someone knew I love .. except this love doesnt have a chance and its killing me. I try really hard not to let it get to me but im in love with this man.. my best friend.. and I cant have him because Im too emotional. My emotions are too much for him, even when I try to change it.. Youre NEVER supposed to change yourself for someone.. but id give it all up.. for him. If I could just have a chance,. he could see how good id be to him.. AND THATS SAD. I should never change or lower myself because he cant see the beauty in my emotion, the strength in my heart, the drive in me to do my best. . yet I cant give up.. its been months now and I CANT WALK AWAY OR STOP. To me.. Thats not how love works.. wether he wants me or not.. I want him.. I love him.. and Love isnt running into someone elses arms because you need to get past how you feel. I cant. Hes even asked me to but I just cant.. LOVE ISNT RUNNING. Love is standing here in his face daily, fighting for my chance.. to show him I CAN BE AND I AM WORTH IT…

BUT IM TIRED OF FIGHTING…