Entries 11
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A Revolution, A Revelation & an Inextricable Inquisition
Why does it take a dog 7 years to take a trip around the sun, but only takes people one year? They have 4 legs and a lower center of gravity, it doesn’t make sense!
One Mouse... For A Bean Of Three.
Hate is an empty feeling. Emptiness can feel like nothingness, yet nothingness is nothing, and there is no such thing as nothing, because if nothing weren’t something, there’d be nothing to discu...
The Expansion of Dissension Among the Subconscious
If anyone needs me… just tug on your right ear and draw a triangle connecting freckles on your body. Send me a picture of it along with some melted wax from an unscented beeswax candle then (reg...
The Bellybuttonless Batagur Has Binocular Vision
It is entirely unlikely, yet unrealistically conceivable that somewhere, someday, on some distant planet, in some distant galaxy, in some other dimension… it is raining tongues.
Laws No One Wants to Abide By
Pessimism is just the acknowledgment, and acceptance that there’s no escaping Murphy and his gang of laws.-
A Fan of the Craptastic!
If the shit does hit the fan, (which in these cases is usually a lot). I would only be worried if the fan is a nice industrial one, because a cheap one will likely break on impact. Not to menti...
Diving Into Unconscious Reality Soup
What doesn’t kill you… likely makes you hurt very much!
Mystic Mis-Fortune & A Merozoitic Destiny
I’ve never had a positive tarot card reading, but the good news is… they were all accurate.
That Fantastical Preternatural Moment
I remember visiting you in the last century back when you had that little clay hut near the penguin farm. The farm owned and operated by penguins, not the one where they grow penguins. The day ...
Spotted Like a Splendiferous Gaffe
All I know about relationships is that if you are of average height, don’t even think about dating a giraffe… trust me, it won’t work out. He’ll step on you, then apologize, and you’ll forgive h...
Buttered Side Down & Inside Out
Instead of beginning at the beginning, begin at the end. Because at the end of one thing is the beginning of another thing. You may not get into the middle of the thing you originally intended ...
Book Description
Q. What are Randoms?
A. That’s difficult to explain. In fact, the best explanation is not to have one; but just to give you a vaguely undescriptive definition… Randoms are metaphorical and nonsensical, yet occasionally profound verbal nothingness intended purely for absurd-ism and self amusement.
Similar to Jack Handey’s “Deep Thoughts” on SNL which largely appeared on the show from 1991 - 1998.
Q. Why should the world care about such a thing?
A. Because the world is often best viewed though humor and experienced with reckless abandon. I’m not saying that you need to go rocket roller skate yourself off an iceberg or anything, but think how much fun it’ll be (for you) the next time you’re standing by the water cooler or are a part of a conversation with nothing to add when you suddenly blurt out:
“Sometimes on my birthday I like to go out for Chinese food, then dislocate my fingers and try to use the chopsticks”.
Life is lived in these brief but often occurring moments. The next time one happens to you, don’t just stand around with nothing to add; interject a Random and see what happens. Sometimes they make sense, other times they are completely meaningless, but what’s important is that those you say them to… they all think there’s something meaningful behind what you just said, but instead of explaining yourself, you just nod and walk away. They’ll go back and try to work wondering what just happened, they’ll sit and ponder and try to make sense of it while you finish your day off with a smile on your face. As I said.... “self amusement”.
I’m so sick and tired of everyone always talking about the big picture. Ever notice that all of these same people are missing the point? They don’t get it. They don’t stop and smell the roses or more to the point they haven’t figured out that it’s all the little things that create the big picture in the first place.
So that’s all this is. It’s one of those little things. Some insignificant quip to help break up the monotony of your day.
My intention is to put out a day by day calendar of Randoms, perhaps a book depending on how things go.
So I hope you either blindly enjoy or become visibly confuzzled. :)
