Entries 388

Page 14 of 16

Last night I talked to Adam online. The following were his profile and away message, respectively: Flashbulbs I was careless, once. I was stupid, once. I was alive, once. Every night I try...

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Feeling more apathetic than ever. I don't feel attatched to anything I feel or do anymore. For example, I continue to lust after Adam, and part of me hopes he wants me back. But if he did take...

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Today was the rehab center gig. It actually went pretty well, or at least a hell of a lot better than last time. I was really nervous last night and when I showed up at Dave's rather early this...

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I don't particularly feel like writing right now, but I suppose this requires an update. Thursday after I wrote, I got pretty depressed and told my mom I think I need to see someone. I guess sh...

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Today I was bored with life. It's occoured to me that nothing's really interesting - that everything's just the same, over and over again. Everything's cyclical. The Earth goes around the sun....

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I appologize for the quality of my writing. I'm kind of confused right now. I don't think I'm going to attempt to describe my emotions after I got that email. There were a lot of them, some of...

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Hey Aidan, Now that we're on at least semi-good terms I figured I'd clear up a few things...(please don't be mad at me) First I guess you deserve the real reason we broke up. Essentially, I got d...

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Easter was okay. I felt less socially awkward than normal at church. Maybe it was because they hired a string quartet, which meant that there were four other people standing around awkwardly by...

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When I talked to Tom online, I told him I was going to church and he seemed surprised. "You still go to church?" "Only because they give me solos." "Somehow I can't picture you in a church. Nev...

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It turns out that Emma and Helen couldn't come to the Java Jam. Dave and Tom and the other people who usually come to these things didn't show up either. The show started late, so I ended up aw...

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March depression is lifting, but obsession persists. I've started trying to relive the making out again. I think I'm afraid that if I don't, it'll just go away and it will be like it never happ...

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You should understand that things haven't been all bad. Talking to my friends usually makes me feel better, and I get a chance to talk to them several times a day. Little funny things have happ...

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Saturday night I drempt about Adam, and Sunday morning I woke up in love with him again. I'm pretty sure that's what that feeling was, even if very bad feelings went along with it. I drempt tha...

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I can't stop this. I can't think about other things. I just go over it again and again in my head. "What happened? Why did it happen? Should it have happened? Did it even happen? Was it re...

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When Dave told me that Greg pissed him off and later I found out that Ivy felt the same way, I thought, "Hm. Is there anything that pisses me off about Greg?" I came up with my answer pretty qu...

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I thought that today was going to be easy, but it just kind of seemed unusually long since we had eight classes. I suppose going around to our old classes was fun. I just wish I hadn't had to g...

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Yesterday and this weekend were pretty bad, especially Sunday, when I had to go to church. I was even classiying it as "bad depression" since I had insomnia and wasn't feeling very musical. But...

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So I just wrote an entire entry on today, but then my computer crashed. I am currently extremely tired and angry at my computer, so I'm not going to go through the trouble to rewrite the entry t...

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I love 20th century. It's mostly the teacher. He's just a fascinating person. He's funny in class, but you can also tell that he's ridiculously intelligent. I find myself wanting more than an...

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Oh God. Do I ever not feel like doing my math homework. Today was going pretty well until I saw Adam and the girl at lunch... He had his arm around her this time. I sat there for a while and t...

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Perhaps I would feel better mentally if I stopped obsessing. Perhaps I would feel better physically if I stopped eating everything that holds still long enough. But will I? No. Well, the eati...

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In case you happened to see the twelve entries I had posted that were all the same entry, my computer kept telling me it couldn't complete the operation. So I kept posting it. But my computer l...

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Sunday I ended up spending a good portion of the day at Julian's house. This started out as a "runthrough" at Ivy's house for this gig (which has been postponed until two weeks from this Saturda...

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Lately I've been feeling constantly bored and kind of restless. I've been eating every hour or so, I think because of this. I'm already getting sick of food, but I keep eating anyway. Blegh. ...

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Nothing all that notable happenned today. I still feel like I have the need to fixate on someone, and I'm still mad at myself for feeling like this. I won't do it. Not with Julian. Not with K...

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