I never have a place to say what I am feeling, and have problems saying them out loud. My husband and I have been married nearly 9 years. Through ups and downs, and every thing in between we have survived and fought for the marriage we have. However, it seems like all hope is lost. He is an alcoholic, retired soldier whom has PTSD. I have taken care of him and our family for 9 years. I stayed by his side through deployments and time away. He retired a year ago, and it seems like everything has just been terrible since then. He drinks till hes drunk, every day. Whenever things are said about it, it is my fault I don’t like him for who he is and should be sent on my way. He has brought guns into the home on basis of lies and deceit as well as one of his episodes. I have cried endless tears, praying for the answer as how to help him. How to make him understand that I need love and respect, and maybe would one day change. Nothing is ever good enough for him, and he does not appreciate or respect me. I have been told that I have brought nothing to the table during our marriage, as I have been raising two kids and going to school full time, while standing by him across the country and while he deployed. I never took anything, but rather gave all of me. Now I am left with a broken heart and wounded pride. I take all of his shit day in and day out and continue doing the best I can, while giving everything I can to my kids. Still not enough. He told me the reason we argue is because he’s reckless and I am responsible. At 35 years old he should be more responsible, with a growing concern of his kids and his wife. I am tired of fighting and pretending everything is ok. Something has to give, and I have given all I had