Generation Wild in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I spent the entire rest of the week trying to deconstruct what happened with Richard. Or stop myself from deconstructing. I didn’t drink or smoke. I went to bed at 9:30 every night. Until Saturday happened.... and then that just exploded into something absolutely ridiculous.

All I wanted was to go to B-Side because it’s a cute little space, see some friendly people and have a cocktail. Well, suddenly I’m at the gay club in the restroom and I think to myself “Wow, that guy looks like Boomer Banks” (a gay porn star whom I happen to follow on social media and happened to see that just the day before he was in Provincetown). As I finally ascended to the dance floor, I saw the writing on the wall (or more properly, the television screens) “BOOMER BANKS LIVE IN PERSON! AT MIDNIGHT”

One part of me was like, “Wow, how cool I recognized him! And peed next to him!” the other part of me said, “How pathetic that I can spot a gay porn star on site.”

I don’t know what it is about me and porn stars, I seem to have the strangest experiences with them. This was no different.

Boomer came out and I saw that we were wearing the same underwear. I showed him and he grabbed my arm, pulled me on the box and said, “We have to take a picture together.” So there I am, standing on the go-go boy box with a porn star with my pants down while people are snapping pictures.

I was absolutely terrified… not because of the situation but because I looked fucking awful in EVERY photo! So I ran off the box and quickly grabbed a beer. As I was coming back, Boomer grabbed me again and said we should take a video… which he posted on Instagram and Snapchat. So, yes, my ass (he slapped it a few times) was on his social media.

I ran into my friends Justin and Matt who were shocked by how drunk I was (I didn’t drink that much, but I think having abstained for a week really dropped my tolerance). Somehow they saw one of the pictures (I’m telling you, these spread like wildfire… I’m still getting texts about it) and refused to let me drive, so I went home with them and slept on the couch.

I did happen to see Justin’s cock and it made me salivate like I hadn’t in ages. It was my favorite color, uncut and looked delicious. Thank God I passed out right afterward because that could’ve gone South very quickly.

You know, being that I’m a Pastor’s kid, I have a tendency to dive into the deep end of my bad behavior. I get wilder than I should ever be because I wasn’t allowed to be when I was younger. Richard tempers that behavior completely, but when he’s not around I have to engage it slowly and find some kind of moderation… otherwise I go completely wild.

Last night I met up with my friend Kat and relayed the last two weeks to her. She said to me, “Thanks for Boomer Banks, by the way. I had no idea who he was before, but I looked him up and I’m really glad you brought him into my life!”

My mother saw the pictures too (thanks little brother) and she said to me, “I looked him up, and I’d never really thought about taking 11 inches, but he’s hot enough that I might give it a try.”

Oh dear…