I can't in Okay

Everyone says, yeah I can understand that
Mom says, we can call and fix that if she calls at all
But the hurt's so deep, the blood don't flow straight anymore
I can't hold this anymore, I dunno what it's like to be alright
When the world in my head starts killing characters
I wonder when I'm next because I can't keep writing the script, 
I don't want to, I give up, it's so heavy on  my shoulders
Weighed down by the guilt I put there years ago
It's part of the upholstery and I can't let it go,
I'll show you my heart but you can see right through it
it's empty and paper thin
my veins throb with the pain, would you stay if I was different?
Would you like me if I was funny and sexy?
Honest and real?
What if I was with you and you left anyway?
I can't carry this anymore, I wish I was better.