#290- PMSing & Hermit Mode in Magician Card

I was feeling really sensitive last night. I had my last therapy session two weeks ago, so I’m on my own. I just have to do the work…and part of me is lagging.
I started my period which might explain the over-sensitivity. I feel like a jellyfish without a backbone. Or maybe I feel more like a bug in that I’m super fragile and one wrong move can be my end.

Overall I feel really tired. I spent some time having a full edible yesterday and got high asf. I was trying to get myself to relax. I ignored my boyfriend for a few hours because I needed time to myself I felt. I just needed time to recollect myself. I ate a carton of ice cream, or maybe half. I also had fish for dinner. Having one after the other felt weird but I couldn’t help but gorge myself on nothing but junk in the end. I couldn’t stop myself until it was completely gone and then the shame sunk in.

My period makes me tired, like it does for most people. I also eat excessively sometimes, and I feel like a slug. I don’t want to move from my bed, getting up takes me forever in the morning, and I am slow to do things. It could be depression partly as well, I get depressed but I’m productive. Meaning even if I’m severly depressed, I can still get what I need to, done.

Things with my partner are going well at least, but I always have one day of the month where I hide away from him. I become the ultimate Hermit and need time to myself. Other times I feel like he hates me for no reason in particular and I’m aware I’m being overdramatic but can’t help myself. I teared up a bit last night too, sometimes that helps. I haven’t cried in some time tbh.

In the end I’m very tired this morning too. I feel like I want to be a hermit some more. Which is okay. What’s important is that I don’t stay a hermit too long. I love my relationships so I don’t want to ever neglect them.

And yesterday I at least used my alone time to tend to all 63 of my houseplants. It’s an excessive amount of plants, and sometimes I still feel like the newest of all plant newbies. I’m still getting to know some of my plants so hopefully I won’t kill them. I love caring for them but it does take a lot of work. I don’t even know how I manage. 63 houseplants? For most I feel thats a bit much.

Today I hopefully get to drive, I’m still learning. I hope to work off some of the high from last night. I always feel like I get lingering effects that make me tired sometimes and I don’t like driving like that.