Mother's And Son's in Help Me Please

I have to admit that I was never that mom who could do everything and anything. I am not wonder Mom either. But I did make sure that my son had everything he needed and wanted. he would often have to wait for the wants but eventually he did get it. But the worst part is when his father left and he had no make figure until my brother started to show him the “man” things and he also bough him a lot of his clothes which I was very thankful for.
But the most important part of a mother and son is the relationship that is created and ours was always weird and strained. he never did tell me what went on at school or how he is doing. I always was told by the teacher that he wasn’t handing in his assignments and he was failing his classes. And when I sent him to summer school for 4 summers in a row taking 4 courses a summer he always seemed to hate me for that. But he always did go to camp and I always made sure the rest of his summer was what he wanted to do. But when he did go to those sleep away camps he always lost his clothes or something else and just said “oh well”
Then as he got older he said even less to me and he either didn’t say anything or he out right lied to me and he would never talk about his friends. And the sad thing is that it was his friends that told me things that happened and they were shocked that he didn’t tell me. Like the time his class went to a water park and his bathing suit came off in the water. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with that.
And in recent years he has been not wanting me to be in his space but the times I was I was doing his laundry of cleaning or dusting and he always hated that I moved his stuff. So i told him if he doesn’t want me touching his stuff then he needs to make his environment clean. And I am always telling him to put his dishes in the sink and throw his garbage in the garbage and he also leave his junk mail here and then I have to call him and ask him if he still wants it. And I have also told him to call me and talk to me that way and it would also be nice to get some gifts like for mothers day or my birthday or Hannamas. But I always have to tell him what to get or he gets nothing. And one year at Christmas I had to tell him to get a box of chocolate for hubby because he has been really good to him and has helped him from becoming homeless more then once and he never pays it back in a timely manner so in the end hubby always says forget it because it’s your birthday or the holidays and he never even tries to pay what he borrowed. And as for me he thinks whatever money I have given him he never pays me back and I think that is not right. And when the three of us are going out for dinner he never offers to pay it’s always hubby or me. But he did say a few times when it was Mothers day that he would pay for me and I said to him what about hubby? Then I told him we were a package so it needs to be both of us or no one. And he never offers to leave a tip either.
The thing is I know my son doesn’t have much money but neither do I. So why is it I can go out to eat and pay for it or get a gift and still have some money left? The reason is because I start to save my money a few months before and I think my son should be doing that too. Like Mothers day is coming and what would be really cool is if he asked me what I would like and get it from amazon or Walmart and have it delivered to me. Now that would make me feel like he remembered and went out of his way to get me something and used his own initiative and thought outside the box.

I do have to admit that some of this is probably my fault but not all of it and I have always accepted that it was my fault and have apologized for it and my son never has because he said that he has done nothing wrong and just reacted to me or the situation.
I am starting to think that I don’t have a son I just have an acquaintance who I say hi and ask how they are every so often and there is zero communication for anything. Like right now I would love to call my son and see what he is doing and how it’s been so far in his new place and what kinds of things he has been learning how to cook. And I would also like to tell him how his grandparents are and his Uncle and the rest of the family. But I wont because he doesn’t like idle chit chat and that is all I have to say. Oh and I would also like to ask him if he has made an appointment for the specialists that was recommended he go and see three months ago. And if he has registered for the vaccine in the three places that are available. But I won’t because all of those has to do with his medical issues and they are none of my business. From here on in I am going to have to make sure I don’t talk about or ask my son anything else that will be none of my business so there is going to be even less to talk about. maybe I should just get a list of the things that are not to be talked about and then I will know for sure and I can feel less then what I am feeling now.

But I am not going to be talking to my son for a while I just hope he will talk to me on Mother’s day but I highly doubt it. And I also told him when he does want to talk to me to call me on the phone so it’s a wait and see game again. I hate these games and I hate this relationship but it is what it is and I am the one who feels like the failure because I can’t fix my part with him. In order for me to fix my part there needs to be communication and there is none. But the good thing is that I have hubby and I can tell him how I feel and he will tell me what he thinks I should do or not do and he always tells me I did the best I could with what I had and I always appreciate that and then he always tells me he loves me.

The one thing that I really don’t like is always asking my son where my stuff that he has borrowed is and if and when he does bring it back it’s never washed or dried and I have asked him more then once to please wash and dry it and bring it back but he always seems to loose my stuff then when I force him to buy me new ones he always complains and always gets me the cheap ones from the dollar store when the ones he did loose was made by rubber maid. Then he tells me he didn’t have enough money and he always gets me containers that are way too big for what I need them for and he said just be thankful I even got you these. How can I be thankful for something that I will never use? And he never has the receipt so I can’t even take it back to get what I really need.
The hardest part for all of this is that I feel like a complete failure and it seems that my son reminds me of this every time I talk to him because i am “nagging” him but all I am doing is asking if he has done what he said he was going to do. So it’s his fault not mine.

Onto something else.....
The city that I live in has the most Covid cases but they are now saying it’s the brazilin variant because people still are not following the rules and we have a lot of multi family homes and a lot of people from India and with their holidays they always have a lot of people celebrating after they were told to stay home, but now the government is going to start giving out more fines and maybe jail time because the numbers need to go down and everyone needs to get vaccinated, I sure hope we will need proof that we have been vaccinated so we can go back to normal life or something like normal life.
I heard on the news that Buffalo will be having to have proof if you have had the vaccine or not or otherwise you won’t be going to restaurants or sports events or anywhere that is a large group of people and strangers. I hope B.C. will have the same.

Onto something else....
I need to stop here....
Do have a great day and please be kind. be calm and be safe and behave.

Last updated April 17, 2021