So after writing that last entry, Richard and I finally hung out for my birthday where I took him to the bi-monthly orgy that happens and watched him get fucked by nearly every person I’ve had sex with this year within a span of 45 minutes. I’m still not quite sure how I feel about that but it happened, and it seemed to put Richard back into the “groove” of our friendship because now he’s suddenly calling me all the time and it’s like the old days.
Except that I feel kind of exhausted by it all.
I’m on my final week of classes for the certificate and I just received a job offer in Tokyo.
One thing that Richard agreed with me is that Sacramento people are NOT my people at all. I think part of that realization is that he’s never seen me more unhappy, but he commented on the fact that he didn’t realize that I’ve been that way for a while because it’s been so long since we lived in the same city. He feels bad because he’s “thriving” while I’m sinking. I suppose that’s nice, but it really doesn’t help anything.
Platitudes don’t change attitudes.
I do know that I need to find somewhere to go for Christmas. I really want to quit my job in a few weeks to actually focus on teaching, but if I quit too soon, I won’t get my bonus. While I really don’t want to work for the company until the end of January, I know that having a surprise $3000 might actually make that worth it. I mean, that would put me ahead of where I need to be because even on my budget that I’m on, I’ll be ready to leave the country by the second week of January… but if I hold out another month, I’ll have that extra as a cushion.
All of this hinges on whether or not my continued but protracted battle with the FBI concludes favorably for myself. But I did discover that even if it doesn’t, I am more than able to get a job and work in Tulum… which wouldn’t be the worst way for this whole situation to end.
So either I’m going to thrive and end up in Asia or Europe, or I’m going to “suffer” and end up in a beach town in Mexico or Bali.... what a hardship.
I have spent the past year whittling down my possessions to the point where I have to start getting rid of some actual essentials. But I don’t want to get rid of them until the last minute because I need this fucking microwave to cook food.
But wherever this goes, know that I’m working on it and won’t have to put up with this bullshit for too much longer.