Hopeless in Shared Moments

  • Oct. 12, 2019, 9:24 p.m.
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Had someone told me 20 years ago that one day my body would cease to respond to diet and exercise, I would have laughed. Oh, I heard many older people say they had that problem, but always thought it was a bunch of ridiculous bullshit that couldn’t possibly be possible.

But here I am with not a single pound lost after about a week of roughly 1,000 calories a day and exercise. The question is how long will it be before I can no longer prevent weight gain on that amount? I would have preferred to wait until I was in my seventies before I said “fuck it” to my weight. I’m still too young for that now because the more I pack on, the more I’m at risk of becoming diabetic and the more it could raise my blood pressure and LDL score. But I would literally have to have just one meal and one snack per day to lose a few pounds that wouldn’t stay off for long, and that’s no way to live. I would be too hungry, light-headed, tired and grumpy. You could throw me on any kind of diet out there - Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Adkins, low-cal, low carb - and none of it will do me a damn bit of good no matter how active I was while I was at it.

If there’s an Amy out there that can work the same magic on my weight as with my skin issues, I don’t know about it. I don’t want to go back to the appointment frenzy and spending a fortune trying to figure it out either. Sometimes I think, well, I’ll just eat my way up to gastric sleeve qualifications which I could do in five minutes, but that still would mean lots of appointments and things would only be paid for after we met our deductible. This isn’t the country for that kind of thing unless you’re either poor or rich. Those in between have to foot the bill for nearly everything.

It’s also looking like I’ve got another basal or squamous spot on my upper inner arm. It’s itchy at times but it’s definitely not melanoma. If it doesn’t go away on its own as the one on my chest did, my PCP can spray it out in March when I see her again.

We’ve both got eye exams on Monday. Tom was surprised to be able to get us in that soon. He’s not having pictures of his eyes taken but she may want to take pictures of mine because of the OH, but I may tell her not to bother. We’ll just see what the air puff results are. My guess is that it’s unlikely to get any worse. I think I’ll remain borderline pretty much all my life. Definitely need a new prescription, though, as I’ve been having a harder time seeing. I’ve lost so much vision since coming to the state in ‘07 that I hate to think of what it will be like in another 15 years or so. I’m going to be blind as hell!

Anyway, today I’m taking a break. If I’m going to be 155 from eating next to nothing, I may as well give myself a real reason, at least for today, to be that high. So at Rite Aid, I got some treats along with some Moscato and Merlot.

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