Thomas and I are miserable. We feel like scummy, terrible people. I keep thinking ‘have we tried everything? Have we done everything we can do? Should we just tough it out and hope it gets better?’ It sucks so much. J isn’t a bad kid, at all. He’s a teenager, a complex one but one with fairly standard behaviors. He’s just not our kid, not in the obvious ‘he’s not Nathan’ way, but in the ‘he doesn’t quite fit’ way. We don’t communicate well. We have very little in common. Interacting with him is exhausting for both of us. It’s like a relationship that you really want to work but it just isn’t. We’ve been trying to fake it for months, and it’s not catching.
I worry about him. I worry so much about how he’ll take this. I worry about how he’ll do starting high school. I worry about whether he’ll be able to find a good family, hopefully one better suited to him. I know this might sound dumb or selfish, considering everything… It goes back to the relationship analogy. You can love the hell out of someone and still be in an unhealthy relationship. Personalities have to mesh at least somewhat smoothly, and ours do not. If we were only fostering, we could probably manage, but for adopting.. Sigh.