Misery and Co in Day to Day

  • July 18, 2019, 3:12 p.m.
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Thomas and I are miserable. We feel like scummy, terrible people. I keep thinking ‘have we tried everything? Have we done everything we can do? Should we just tough it out and hope it gets better?’ It sucks so much. J isn’t a bad kid, at all. He’s a teenager, a complex one but one with fairly standard behaviors. He’s just not our kid, not in the obvious ‘he’s not Nathan’ way, but in the ‘he doesn’t quite fit’ way. We don’t communicate well. We have very little in common. Interacting with him is exhausting for both of us. It’s like a relationship that you really want to work but it just isn’t. We’ve been trying to fake it for months, and it’s not catching.

I worry about him. I worry so much about how he’ll take this. I worry about how he’ll do starting high school. I worry about whether he’ll be able to find a good family, hopefully one better suited to him. I know this might sound dumb or selfish, considering everything… It goes back to the relationship analogy. You can love the hell out of someone and still be in an unhealthy relationship. Personalities have to mesh at least somewhat smoothly, and ours do not. If we were only fostering, we could probably manage, but for adopting.. Sigh.


Two Hermits and a Cat July 18, 2019

I don’t know any specifics about what’s been going on so can’t offer much other than sympathy...but you do make it sound like he doesn’t grasp that he has to make an effort too, not just you. You can’t help someone who refuses to be helped.

Deleted user July 20, 2019

Can you tolerate continuing to just foster if he wants to stay with you ? You could explain to him honestly that his behavior / issues so far has made you want to slow things down and let all of you consider if adoption would be positive. You also could explain to him why you are having these concerns as his interaction with you is frequently not pleasant for either of you . Explaining would make it feel less like rejection .That way too he can understand that you care enough to be honest and remain concerned about him.

TX Tornado Deleted user ⋅ July 21, 2019

We would probably be ok with that, but they completely took it out of our hands. We didn't have any option after we said we didn't want to continue with the adoption.

Deleted user TX Tornado ⋅ July 21, 2019

That does not seem fair but maybe he was ok with that ? I am sorry it turned out sadly for you all .

TX Tornado Deleted user ⋅ July 21, 2019

He doesn't know yet... He finds out tomorrow.

Deleted user TX Tornado ⋅ July 22, 2019

That will be a rough day for you all. You will be in my thoughts .

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