I’m thankful I don’t know anyone on this website other than friends I really love and would forgive for anything - including thinking about what a fat ass I am.
I have gained SO MUCH WEIGHT in just 4 months. I really worry I am going to fall over with a heart attack or stroke or something and die, leaving my children to raise themselves like feral animals.
I’m restarting my diet once again today. I want to do really well, obviously, because I can’t go on like this.
My self esteem is suffering, I feel like shit, and I don’t know if my husband still finds me attractive. It is literally a chore just to get in and out of the car. And I’m not saying that everyone my weight feels like this or should have these same issues. I once weighed 45ish lbs more than this and I felt strong and feminine and sexy. But the fact that I piled on all this weight since October is what is really concerning and negatively impacting my life.
My goals this week is to drink ONLY unsweetened drinks and stay under 1400 calories a day. Fuck it. This “Go slow, make gradual changes” thing is not working for me. I need to be serious and intentional. I am working with a nutritionist an hour away at a prestigious hospital and they gave me the 1400 calories number and some more information. I may be going to see them once a week. I will find that out later this month.