I often wonder when I write if it helps me to understand and talk about what is happing with real people. Yesterday I made the discovery that it does. I sat with my best friend and then my wife and had a deep and helpful conversation about my worries and came up with a plan. I don’t know if I can stick to it but I sure as hell am going to try. I think that if I focus on the outcome and less on what I don’t get to do at that moment I will succeed.
I have been trying to change my life around these last couple of months. I have lost some weight but not all I want, it is a process. I am trying to better my mind, reading more, tv and gaming less is harder than loosing weight. Finally, I am working on my personal relationships. I have been married for 24 years this year and sometimes it feels like forever and other times just a blink of the eye. She is a rock for me, the foundation of which my life is built. I strongly believe that without her I would be in jail, dead or living in a box back in the woods. So why do I regret is some day and not others?
My children are getting to an age where I no longer understand them and having started late in life with children I am too old to have the patience to deal with it. The only positive side of that is that with age come wisdom and I know I have this problem and work at it. I got my daughter a necklace (from someone I read on PB) and she loved it. She has not smiled at me like that is ages it seems. It was not expensive but it was hand made and created with a purpose. (I am not even sure where I am going here but I swore that if I put it down I would not take it back off so it stays.)