I awoke around 2:30 this morning and that was it for sleep. I started to think about the over bearing debt that I have accumulated and the realization that there was literally no way out of the situation. Don’t get me wrong, I have no one to blame but myself even though I would love to. I could blame my parents for not teaching me better, the government for making it so easy for young people to acquire debt, hell I could even blame my wife for having kids which cause more debt. But those would all be things to make me feel better. The truth is I created this situation and I have no one to blame but myself.
If it were not for student loans I would be fine. I have dug my way out of the majority of my debt. Credit cards are being paid off, slowly but surely, the bills are being paid on time and that area is coming along. The student loan hangs like a rock over my head, I can see the frayed rope failing and I am simply waiting for the last bit of string to unravel. At this point I have put it off so much that the fines and interested have created a payment that is unpayable. It’s the government so they don’t care, when I fail, which I will, they will garnish my wages and put a lien on my home. I don’t know how to stop it. Even if I spent nothing but paid the daily bills there would not leave enough left to pay the student loan.
At times like this I understand the statement “the world would be better off without me”. I don’t agree and realize that only falls in the realm of faineances but the fact is my family would be more secure without me in their lives then in it. My debt would go away and my life insurance, though not great, would leave them in a position to be comfortable.
I need help! I need answers! I need rest!