I don’t think I have ever felt the level of hopelessness that I did last night and still do into today. I feel like I want to throw it all in and just go away. Leave everything I know behind and start over with a new life that is not this screwed up.
I am filled with loathing and self-hatred and don’t know how to remove these feelings. Everywhere I turn I face failure. My marriage, though not divorced I could see it happening, my finances are in total ruin and my children are both going to be in therapy. Where did it all go wrong with me? I wish I could look back and pick the exact moment in time and fix it but that is beyond my ability.
I never realized how quickly you could go from feeling relatively well to having a weight on your shoulders that feel like you are being crushed and all the air pushed out of you. I don’t even have somewhere to point the finger of blame but at myself. I fucked up this life and I just don’t see how to set it right.