faithfully pursue the policy of truth in Public

  • Jan. 4, 2019, 3:09 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

OH HI GUYS.

I ordered lunch from Specialty’s. It was 15 goddamn dollars and I regret nothing. HOLY SHIT THIS POPPY SEED BREAD IS TOO GOOD TO EXIST. I need to learn how to make potato poppy seed bread. I NEED TO.

I haven’t made bread in like 5 years. OR MORE. Other than rolls. I guess that’s… just literally and exclusively bread.

WHATEVER, i haven’t made a LOAF of bread in one hundred million years.


So my coworker has a 10-year-old son. And she raves about him because, you know, he’s… her son. But she talks about him like he’s fuckin’ Buddha. THE MOST CHILL AND SWEET AND SELF-AWARE CHILD WHO HAS EVER LIVED. And we were all excited to meet this CLEARLY WISE BEYOND HIS YEARS kid of hers.

So I finally met him a couple weeks ago and he’s… a 10-year-old. Lol. He spent practically the entire night playing Fortnite(probably?) on his phone, didn’t really interact with people until he had to to play a game, and like… My coworker had told us all he was SOOOOO EXCITED when he found out LP was in the original IT movie, but he clearly gave no shits, and when I was like “oh hey did you want a picture with him,” he was… ALMOST a dick about it?

Like. He wasn’t a total asshole. He was just… a 10-year-old. Particularly, a 10-year-old who hasn’t been taught the standard politesse involved in human interaction. Same as most 10-year-olds.

I could make this a generational thing–KIDS THESE DAYS AND THEIR NO MANNERS AND THEIR PARTICIPATION TROPHIES–but honestly, kids were likely always this way. I was raised very strictly, and I distinctly remember being appalled that my peers were so openly rude to adults. And this is STILL the case with most 10-year-olds, and honestly I just don’t like most kids.

I JUST DON’T LIKE MOST KIDS.

Unless they were parented to be polite as fuck, which most of them aren’t, and THAT’S FAIR ENOUGH. It takes a fuckton of time and effort to watch and critique a child’s every move. It involves a lot of just… LEAVING. Leaving stores and restaurants and parks and dinner parties whenever your kid starts being an asshole, until eventually they realize they don’t get to do anything fun unless they learn how to not be dicks. Which means a lot of Not Being Able To Go Places, probably for a couple years at least. If your household doesn’t have a stay-at-home parent willing to give up everything and dedicate their entire existence to grooming your kids simply so they aren’t moderately annoying to other people, IT’S PROBABLY NOT POSSIBLE.

It’s not the parents’ fault, or the kids’ fault. It’s all me, baby. Most people seem to have a much higher tolerance for the general assholery of children and they can see the potentially cool adult within them. I JUST DON’T HAVE THAT SKILL.


Besides, what the fuck is politesse anyway? Lying. LYING, is what it fucking is. Pretending you’re happy when you’re not. Eating food you don’t like. Agreeing with things you don’t agree with. IT’S ALL A FUCKING LIE. The fact that we preach honesty to our kids while simultaneously training them how to properly lie to literally everyone they meet probably causes some fucked up cognitive dissonance that follows us through to our adulthood and is maybe why most of us aren’t very good people?

If I’m gonna lie and say I love grandma’s apple pie even though it’s stale and full of her wig hair, because WHAT GRANDMA DOESN’T KNOW CAN’T HURT HER, then why the fuck wouldn’t I also lie about banging the neighbor’s husband? WHAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW WON’T HURT HER, RIGHT?

Yes, a truly “good” person wouldn’t bang the neighbor’s husband, but POBODY’S NERFECT, and I’m ranting about how we handle it when we DO fuck up.

We claim one category of lies are okay because they’re “selfless.” We’re doing it for other people! To save them from pain! That’s what separates white lies from the… black… ones? LOL, that can’t possibly be the appropriate dichotomy.

And really there is no dichotomy, because our “white” lies exist to avoid our own discomfort. It’s true that we may lie because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but the key word there is “want.” We WANT to lie because we don’t WANT to feel bad about making THEM feel bad.

Hurting people makes us feel like shit. If it didn’t, we’d be sociopaths! Whenever you’re doing something for someone else, you’re ACTUALLY doing it for yourself, and if lying to not make someone feel bad is already something you’ve been taught is okay, then WHY NOT LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT WOULD MAKE SOMEONE FEEL BAD. Like banging the neighbor’s husband.

… Okay, this took a really fucking weird turn. Hahaha.

I don’t… really know if I even believe what I’m saying.

Not all politesse is lying. Interacting with people instead of ignoring them is… a helpful skill to have? If you ignore everyone, you’ll never have friends or any kind of a support network in your life, and sometimes you have to do shit you don’t want to do so you can have a pleasant future. Everything we do may be inherently selfish, but we NEED to be good to other people if we want them to be good to us. Social contracts are necessary for society to function. And you can’t form social contracts with anyone if you’re too busy fucking around on your phone to make eye contact with them.

Aaaaaand not screaming in public places is also not lying, it’s just NOT RUINING OTHER PEOPLE’S DAYS.

But, you know. Some of the shit we teach kids IS lying. And that’s kind of insane to me.

WHATEVER WHO CARES HOW THE FUCK DID I FALL DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE. I was gonna talk about the kids I used to live with, but now I’ve gone on too long about THE PHILOSOPHY OF POLITESSE, so instead I’ll just kill myself.

Or write about it tomorrow.

“Video of one of your favorite memories” man I am very bad at ranking memories, or even coming up with them. But I’ll figure something out.

BYE FOREVER.


Last updated January 04, 2019


Firebabe January 04, 2019

When I was growing up, I was routinely shocked by how some of my friends interacted with their parents. If I had come even CLOSE to talking to my parents the way they did, I probably would have gotten the spanking of a lifetime, and then grounded for the rest of puberty. My dad once said something to me, and I got grounded for three days because I answered him using his first name. LOL.

We used to have friends who had a kid that we couldn't stand. He was always loud, obnoxious, and rude to everyone, and his parents basically ignored it. One day, we were at their house for a party, and this kid comes running up to us swinging this plastic whiffle ball bat. He comes right up to Dyfais, looks him in the face, and says, "I'm going to hit you in the knee!" And without missing a beat, Dyfais shoots back, totally serious, "And I'm going to punch you in the face." OMG, THE LOOK. THE LOOK ON THIS KID'S FACE. LIKE SANTA CLAUSE HAD JUST LANDED IN THE FRONT YARD, DROPPED HIS PANTS, AND SHIT ON THE SIDEWALK. This kid had no idea how to process the statement. He sort of backed away, and then turned around and walked away very quickly. Dyfais and I high-fived.

I can't stand most kids either, so you do not have to be on this boat alone. Also, I consider the above anecdote to be documented proof that Dyfais and I should never be parents. :D

One Angry Dwarf Firebabe ⋅ January 04, 2019

Okay for real, THAT is where I draw the line. Kids that think it's cool/fun to ACTUALLY HIT PEOPLE.

There was this little girl at my dad's wedding who was a living fucking nightmare. She was, idk, maybe 8 but still intentionally baby-talked and acted stupid because she got attention for it. Like, she ran up and cut the fucking wedding cake before anyone could get to it and it was shrugged off as "how cute lol!!!!!!!!" UMMMMM NO. Maybe if she was three. MAYBE. But a fucking eight-year-old knows not to CUT A GIANT UNTOUCHED CAKE AT A WEDDING.

Anyway, at some point she had decided her favorite thing to do was to kick my brother. Just... repeatedly fucking kick him in the shin. My brother's overly nice to the point of absurdity so he did nothing, but his wife wasn't cool with it so she said sternly "Stop kicking my husband."

That was it. She just told the kid to stop. And the mom overheard, and the look she gave was apparently FUCKING SCATHING, and she froze both of them out for the rest of the wedding.

If you think telling a kid to stop being violent is a wild overstep, it's no fucking wonder your daughter is like this.

Firebabe One Angry Dwarf ⋅ January 04, 2019

Well yeah. The only option Mommy Dearest has is to either apologize, thereby admitting that her kid is a little shit, or be outraged, thereby holding onto the desperate charade that her darling spawn isn't going to grow up to become the poster child for PSA warnings about STDs and the horrors of teen pregnancy. LOL.

Jigger Firebabe ⋅ January 05, 2019

Firebabe, I beg to differ. That story is evidence for why you two might actually have been pretty decent parents. Not that I would wish that on you, of course. We are friends, after all.

girl in recession Firebabe ⋅ January 07, 2019

I can relate to this for sure

summertime sadness. January 04, 2019

I'm polite to the point of my own discomfort way more than I should be. But I'm somehow not great at lying?? Not sure how that works, lmao.

Perpetually Plump January 04, 2019

I think some parents are delusional about their children. I'm probably one of them.

sarahbaby. January 04, 2019

Manners are a tricky thing. Our baby is hilariously the politest one in the family. She even says “bless you” when we sneeze and she just turned 2! We have literally not explicitly taught her to say any of it. Never once instructed her to say please!!

Manners are all about keeping each other comfortable, so I do think it’s important we learn — too often I see kids who have broken spirits though and will sit quietly/say please and thank you all day. I think being a brat is much healthier. When kids are houseplants, I worry.

I think if a kid has parents who model warmth and consideration and respect — who treat them with warmth and consideration and respect — it’ll eventually rub off. Takes a while sometimes though. Gotta play the long game!

Serilen January 06, 2019

pobody's nerfect... ... pobody's nerf--- oh! I get it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THAT'S AMAZING!!!!!

(sorry. i could not resist)

I have nothing of real value to contribute to this discussion because I don't have kids but yeah, how to navigate the space where there's a tradeoff between kindness and honesty can be hard to teach to a young kid.

girl in recession January 07, 2019

I had an interaction with my almost 4 year old niece this xmas where she didn't know the concept of fibbing or lying yet, and I was reading her a story that included a character that fibbed...so I basically explained lying to her. Her parents are probably going to kill me. lol

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