Chaos building up inside, nothing here to calm my mind in Public

  • Dec. 27, 2018, 2:16 p.m.
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I guess I could talk about actual Things instead of being sad about the meaninglessness of existence?!?!?

Friday

Happy hour with the Kord Blood Kidz and Nate. No one invited SOD because they couldn’t decide… who should do it? Basically? And obviously I couldn’t cos I deleted his number so NO SOD. (Again, he never would have shown up anyway.)

Hanging with Nate was cool. Then he left for a work emergency, hung a bit more with the Kidz, and Ubered to the U district to see the Christmas improv show.

IT WAS ANNOYING LOL. They were running late, so I went to pick up my ticket. “It’s either under DF’s name or mine,” she texts. Cool! So I try DF’s name. Not under that!

And then I realize I DON’T KNOW HER REAL NAME BECAUSE #POLYLIFE. I know THREE fucking fake names she has but not her legal name. OH MY GOD I NEVER EXPECTED THE POLY RENAMING THING TO IMPACT MY LIFE IN ANY WAY.

She wasn’t responding to my text about it so I just kinda hung out outside for a bit. Finally got a response… went in, there were no seats left. I awkwardly hovered in the back. Show starts, they get there 15 minutes in… and decide to like. Take the rope off the clearly intentionally roped-off seats and sit there because she was drunk and it seemed like a good idea.

No one stopped us, so, you know… it was fine.

The show started out rough but got better as it went on. In part because I was drinking. LOL. But yeah, it was fine.

It started at 10, ended at 11:30, and these fuckers wanted to go to a bar. I hadn’t gotten the chance to really talk to any of them so I figured FUCK IT WHY NOT.

Welp, we wound up going to THE LOUDEST KARAOKE BAR KNOWN TO MANKIND so I still didn’t really get to talk to them.

Oh, but remember when I said I definitely can’t imagine ever having sex with DF again? CHANGED MY MIND, LOL. He’s cute as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck and I remember why I liked him. I’m honestly considering… pitching a casual thing.

I just don’t think he does casual? If you recall, he was super romantic, really wanted me to be his girlfriend despite me not having the right to ask for any type of compromise from his other girlfriends… Like, we had a 4-hour block of time every Tuesday, IF his other girlfriends didn’t ask him not to come. But he still was like I WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND THO?!?!? SO I CAN TELL EVERYONE YOU’RE MY GIRLFRIEND?!?

So whatever, I let him, ha ha.

And I do think he was close to telling me he loved me when we broke up (after 8 months and 17 days, as he informed me when he left my place for the last time), but had been holding off because he knew I was… deeply cynical and not interested in that shit at the time.

All of that kinda makes me think he wouldn’t be able to handle me taking his dick once in a while and not talking to him the rest of the time.

And if I did try to restart something real, I would AAAAAAABsolutely start to find him irritating again. So yeah. Idk. Ha ha.

I JUST WANNA HAVE HOT SEX WITH A HOT DUDE AND NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS OTHER BULLSHIT LIKE BEING TOLD HOW WONDERFUL I AM AND THEN GETTING GHOSTED. If I get ghosted again, I want to care NONE PERCENT.

Also DF would never ghost, even if he’d moved on to someone else who actually wanted a ‘ship. He’d, like. Tell me what was going on. Because he’s a VERY NICE BOY AND I HAVE MANY REASONS TO TRUST HIM.

So yeah that would be great if it was possible, but I don’t know if it is.

Ugh he’s so hot tho. DO YOU REMEMBER HOW HOT HE IS? BECAUSE I DIDN’T.

I was looking for a particular picture on his FB but I started to feel creepy so I stopped. LATER. I’LL POST ONE LATER.


Saturday

Did fuckall. Didn’t drink THAT much on Friday but definitely felt it on Saturday, esp. since I didn’t get home till 1:30 AM and I still had to feed myself.


Sunday

What happened on Sunday? Idk. I cleaned a bunch of shit. Started feeling a liiiiiiittle sick by the end of the day.


Monday (Xmas Eve)

DEFINITELY SICK. UGH. WHAT A TURD.

LP didn’t come over till later so I could rest (I did not rest. I cleaned more) and then made us chicken soup which was dope AF. We ate it, and watched shitty TV and slept.


Tuesday (Xmas)

LP was NOT as impressed with my gifts as I hoped he’d be. He was like. Only vaguely interested, despite me getting him a MONOGRAMMED PIKACHU STOCKING. FOR FUCK’S SAKE. He knows how much I hate his Pikachu thing but I GOT HIM A PIKACHU STOCKING WITH HIS FUCKING NAME ON IT AND I ALSO WORE A PIKACHU SHIRT ALL DAY FOR HIM but no, he didn’t care, he was just like “huh, where’d you get a pikachu sock?” As though I just happened to stumble upon it in a store and this entire thing (including stealing his pikachus slowly from his house and arranging them around the stocking) didn’t take weeks of planning.

And the gifts themselves… yeah, I think he’s a gift GIVER but doesn’t necessarily care about receiving them.

Or I was entirely off-base with everything I got him. Who knows.

He was also just generally annoying me, haha. Cos I was sick and he was being as touchy-feely as he normally is, but I was blowing my nose every 2 minutes and I just didn’t want to deal with having to constantly CONSTANTLY escape him just to snot into a tissue. We’ve both talked about how we generally prefer to be alone/not touched when sick, so idk why this disappeared from his brain.

PROBABLY ALL THE CIDER. We drank a lot of cider. He got pretty tipsy, and he’s always ultra touchy/happy when he’s tipsy. I remained fairly sober so I think I just… noticed it more?

I only went dark a couple times (omg when we live together it will always be like this. omg he’s not nearly as funny as he thinks he is and it will drive me insane. omg omg omg) but mostly I knew I was just in a bad mood and it would pass.

He got sick too. BOO. But mine got better the next day, and is even better today (tho still hanging on a bit). Overall one of the weakest colds I’ve ever had.


Today

NOW TONIGHT WE’RE ALL GOING TO PRAIRIE’S HOUSE TO MEET HER KIDS AND EAT DINNER AND PLAY STUPID GAMES.

I am absolutely not in the mood to socialize, but I do want to meet her kids, and her husband is hilar so I’m happy to hang with him. I’m just. Chocolate pushed like 3 different holiday gatherings on us all. AND she wanted to do a white elephant AND a secret santa, and I just… IT’S TOO MUCH. I hit a wall 2 weeks ago and now I have to do ONE MORE THING before it’s over.

It’s fine! One more thing is fine! I WILL SURVIVE THE THING.

Okay, time to go work I guess ugh. BYE.


Last updated December 27, 2018


Firebabe December 27, 2018

Okay, no joke, I read "...he wouldn’t be able to handle me taking his dick once in a while and not talking to him the rest of the time" as "...he wouldn’t be able to handle me TALKING TO his dick once in a while and not talking to him the rest of the time," and I laughed so hard I snorted, because the first thing that leapt to mind was a visual of you tapping the head of his penis and saying, "Is this thing on."

*takes a minute to compose herself*

Ugh. Christmas Colds are the worst. And having to socialize on top of it? YOU WILL SURVIVE THE HOLIDAY THUNDERDOME.

One Angry Dwarf Firebabe ⋅ December 27, 2018

LOLLL, okay this sounds like something I would 100% do, so it makes sense you misread it this way.

YES. FUCK COLDS. Tho really this one's so weak, it mostly just feels like I have mild allergies and decided to chainsmoke last night, so I'm not too upset about it. I don't even sound like Chuckie from Rugrats like usual!

One Angry Dwarf Firebabe ⋅ December 27, 2018

(...like usual when i have a cold, I should say. I don't ALWAYS sound like Chuckie from Rugrats and the cold somehow fixed it. That would be weird.)

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