Rambling. in Everything.

  • Dec. 5, 2018, 11:12 p.m.
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  • Public

Let me get this out of the way because it’s a petty complaint!

(It’s not really a complaint....)

I love baking. I don’t work with anyone and I don’t eat it so I don’t get to bake often.
The other day when I was at Tim’s I made a comment about his favorite Christmas cookie. It was literally just conversation - I wasn’t PLANNING on baking for him. He made a comment about how his family bakes a ton and he loves them all. The next morning… I get a message from a friend. She sent me a recipe for every “25 days of cookies”. They looked good so I asked him if he liked cherry. He said, “Are you trying to make me cookies because seriously I don’t need cookies. My family makes like 500 of them.”

I SERIOUSLY wasn’t but don’t shoot down a girl trying to bake for you! Rude.

Guys. My dating site profile LITERALLY says, “I’m just looking for a cute chubby boy who loves sweets so I can bake you ALL the cookies, pies and cakes!”

So in that aspect, Tim sucks and won’t eat my sweets. Well… my baked good sweets. He eats my sweets that matter… hahaha.

Can we seriously talk about ^^^ that for a minute. Him going down on me.
I know I share too much sometimes but whatever. I don’t care. I wrote about this before. My life lacked a lot of sex in it and up until (just over) a year ago, a guy never went down on me. The first guy who did was Shawn. That’s.... why we met. We were flirting which turned into dirty talk which turned into him knowing this never happened and eventually later that night meeting for the first time to do so. Who said romance is dead?
Anyway. After Shawn..... I had sex with a decent share of other guys but I would never let any of them go down on me. Is this weird? It just felt SO intimate. I know it makes no sense because Shawn was basically a stranger when he did it for the first time but maybe because I never experienced it before I never realized how I would feel about it.
So Shawn has done it a loottttt… and Timmy has a few times now. It’s still a little weird for me? I don’t know what it is. It’s not that I WANT it to be Shawn because I’d much rather have sex with Timmy but… maybe Shawn was just so much better at it. I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m in my head too much. Like with Shawn… I would come within seconds and I wish I was kidding but it was like INSTANT BAM. So maybe when Tim does it I’m just thinking too much about it. I don’t know. I mean… don’t get me wrong. We have lots of fun. I still do very much enjoy every single second of it. I think I’m weird.

Anyway.
Christmas shopping.
I have ONE person left that I don’t know what to get. And also........ I don’t want to be bogus about THIS but my nephew’s GF is coming over on Christmas day (we celebrate on xmas eve but do brunch on xmas day at my sisters). I found out she got us all gifts so I had to get her something. No big deal. I don’t mind. I like her.
Buuuuuuuuuttttttttt.......... I found out she’s bringing her kids. This makes it weird now because we barely know her kids. Met them once. Yet everyone is getting them gifts and so I feel like I have to now. I’m going to get them a DIY slime kit thing for $25 and they can share. That’s good enough, right? I don’t know what they like.

Well. This actually is shorter than I thought it was going to be but I got to chatting with BFF. She’s going through some relationship issues and… that’s never fun. I don’t ever know what to tell her because there’s no communication in her relationship and that’s the only thing that would solve her problem. (and I DID tell her that). But what do I know? Clearly I’m not fantastic at relationships. I can’t even get into one! Hahahaha. OhI’msosad.

Speaking of that: I haven’t heard from Tim since… I left his house on Sunday. And you know what? I’m not freaking out about it. Slowly accepting this is how he is / how things are. I do kind of hate it a little bit though. I miss having someone just to talk about anything. Shawn and I could (and sometimes still do) text all day. About NOTHING. And it’s dumb but it’s just.... nice to have someone to talk to? Even Danny- MISTER I NEVER TALK OR HAVE THINGS TO TALK ABOUT - talks more than Tim. And I asked and asked and just wanted a boy to go do things with and now I got that but.... “doing things” replaces “talking” in this sense and I don’t like that. I mean. It’s not TERRIBLE. We talk. But it’s just dumb things. He literally never asks me questions about myself. Not even small talk wise. When I was at his house he had a few save the dates on his fridge and we were talking about it and he legit called me nosy because I asked him a few questions. He was JOKING (and he’s a smart ass like that often) but he did and I was like, “Well I have to ask questions Tim. That’s how you get to know someone”.

I don’t know but I”m way over my time to leave so I’m leaving. I hate this place so why stay longer than I have to. I need to go get groceries then home for the night.


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