s l u t in She and Him.

Revised: 06/09/2019 6:12 a.m.

  • Nov. 21, 2018, 10:19 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

tonight was the first night, maybe in forever, that i hoped that our conversation wouldn’t lead to me “stopping by” like I did the week before last. Where we didn’t go inside but instead sat in my car and made out like teenagers and I tried not to think about why we couldn’t go inside. I tried not to tie it to the fact that he’s been coming over to my place lately, because there’s someone sharing his home and I can’t be there. We are in hiding. He’s looking over his shoulder. He’s checking out the windows. I feel like a like a dirty secret and like a slut. A “slut” who is so loyal she’s never let another touch her but that one man… but a slut nonetheless. I never thought I’d be in this situation again.

And so I wished and pleaded with the universe to tuck him into a sweet, sound slumber with only the best of dreams. Still, at the same time, my heart is screaming for him. For any part of him. For a piece, just a small one. For a taste. Just for a minute, or maybe five. Anywhere in the world. I just need him now.... But my mind tells me I can’t do it tonight.

And as much as I know my mind was telling me the right thing, and anyone reading this would tell me the same, I know it makes no difference. I have been told the same thing over and over and we all know I will never turn him away. Not really. I may have wished for his peaceful slumber, but if he had called for me I would have gone. As I have always gone. As I will always go. Because he is what ties me to this wretched earth, and the only moments of peace I find are with him. I just wish I could give him the same.. But I’ll give him what I have, he can take what he likes and use it up until there’s nothing left because I’ve been his from the moment we met.


Last updated September 18, 2019


Comments are closed.

No comments.

Comments are closed.