Not good at being alone. in Everything.

  • Oct. 30, 2018, 5:38 p.m.
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I remember a few years ago… work would be so insane and I’d want nothing more than just to go home and be ALONE. I longed for the silent nights at home doing nothing. I was happy. I was in my lonely bubble and I liked it.

But now I hate it.
Work is 100% opposite. I went from getting 100+ calls in two hours to maybe getting 10 phone calls a day. (Okay. I just counted. It’s been 18 today with a few hours left but seriously. That feels like nothing). I used to work with someone else in this office for at least 30 hours a week. Boss lady would come in for another 15-20 hours. I’d see boss man at least once a day. I’ve have a handful of customers that I’d see.

Now… I see no one. I work alone. Boss lady never comes in. Boss man comes maybe 2 times a week, if that, and its usually for 5 minutes or less.

I feel so isolated.

I’ve been in this funk lately about Timmy. I just wish… he was… more … enthusiastic? chatty? needy? SOMETHING. More something. He’s just so lazy and bleh....lately he’s just been “I’m just so sleepy” that we rarely talk. And I GET IT. I know life is busy and when you’re newly dating someone you shouldn’t expect all their time. I’m not asking for all of it. I’m asking for a TINY piece of it. And he apologizes for “sucking” but even that is so awkward and dumb. I’m sick of the one worded responses that I just stop trying to talk to him.

I think I would handle this so much better if I worked a normal job and wasn’t alone SO MUCH. I just crave some other human interactions and right now, he’s who I want it from. And I think I’m just going to be open and honest about it and tell him this. Ever since I’ve started dating all I worry about it being “too much”.... I tried hard not to be too clingy or needy so much that I’m suffering myself. Because I WANT to be clingy right now. I’m dying for some form of attention and I want it to be from him. I like being around him. He makes me happier.

In other news:

Weekend was good. I actually had a really good time on Saturday. No one dressed up like they said they would so I didn’t either. BFF had a wig and mermaid makeup on so I still wore my halo and a white shirt for an “angel” look but eh. That was it.

Annnnnnnnd those on FB/Insta/SC already saw but

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That was the look. The normal look hahaha.

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Yeaaaaaaaaaah. They’re all snapchat pics because I sometimes forget I have an actual camera and only use snapchat.

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My dumb nephews (and their friend). Um. This was the last stop of the night. A bar near my house… that has swings for seats. Awesome idea, right? Swings + drunk people sounds like it would work out just fine, right? Yeah. I totally fell.

I ALWAYS FALL WHEN I’M DRUNK. And oh boy, was I drunk.

And we went home to my house. BFF and I continued drinking. She’s an emotional drunk though so the night turned into her crying for a few hours over her guy’s mom. At that point, the drinks stopped. Haha.

I don’t really have anything else.
I’m going to go home and bury myself in projects to keep busy. I have a dresser that needs done. Has been needing that for like a year now so good time to start!

Actually. I just realized today. There’s this stupid game I play and it’s a slot machine game. I don’t play it often but I’ve had it for YEARS. Apparently there’s these rewards you can earn and I’ve been earning them. I just looked into it and apparently there’s like 2 night stay at the MGM Grand in Vegas for 200,000 points. Two nights at Luxor for 55,000 points. 1 night at Bellagio for 100,000.
I have almost 600,000 points.............
so I could actually get this? Has anyone ever used anything like this? I mean. There’s other places. There’s a 7 day cruise for 2 for 600,000.

I think I’d be so nervous actually trying to use this and making sure IT’S LEGIT.
Okay. I just looked it up briefly and some people said they legit worked. They got a free cruise. They had to pay some fee’s. (port fee and travel to/from to get to the cruise of course which I assumed already. And if you wanted to upgrade rooms). A lot of others are saying the Vegas stuff works too. It’s not a scam.

I wouldn’t do a cruise. Honestly I feel like a short trip to Vegas would be fun. Maybe a fun birthday trip. I wanted to go up to a spa in GB for my birthday but that’ll end up costing me over $1,200.... when I could go to Vegas for a few nights and get my room and some dinners free? There’s discounts on shows and stuff too. Hmmm. Something to look into it. I’m kinda excited about it. NOW I JUST NEED ME A BOO TO GO WITH.


Oh and other happy news - I got some payroll! Not all of it. But some. Enough to pay my internet, loan and you know........ MORTGAGE THAT WAS DUE A MONTH AGO AND IS NOW DUE AGAIN. Sigh. But at least it’s getting paid. I’m supposed to hear about the other job - if I made it to the second interview stage later this week. I really really hope so!

Last updated October 30, 2018

toddslife October 30, 2018

nice photos

Lunchbox October 31, 2018

What is with dudes and their poor communication skills? I think it's okay to want to talk often, especially in the beginning of dating. You're trying to get to know him! And it's okay to want his companionship even if it's just texts. I don't think it's being too clingy or demanding. You just want some normal conversation.

heynow October 31, 2018

Dude I love that game! I play it all the time, I have about 380,000 points right now. I haven't redeemed anything yet though. Do the cruise! Cruising is so much fun, you can be as lazy as you want, or do every excursion they offer. ;-)

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