Another family member died this week. It seems like they are stacking up like cordwood in the early fall. Seems callous I know but I have lost a lot of family members and I foresee losing several more in the coming months. This week it was Crystal. Not really family but she might as well have been. I have known her and her family for over 30 years and was one of the most truly caring people that I have ever know. She treated my family like her own and was kind and gentle. I will miss her even though I only saw her a couple times a year. After years of battling cancer, she deserves some rest.
For those who don’t know I have lost both my mother and my father all of my grandparents and all but 2 of my aunts and uncles. They die young in my family I guess. My Uncle Bob is currently in ICU and is not looking well. He has always been my favorite uncle and I am not sure I can handle going to his funeral. It seems wrong but he is the last of the Reynold family so to speak and it seems like a chapter in a book will end with his passing. I think it will be harder going to his then it was going to my fathers (his brother).
My mother was the hardest, having died before I had children all I could keep thinking was that she got to know my sister’s children but not mine. Stupid I know but that is the single most upsetting thing for me about her passing. She suffered for a very long time and put up a tremendous fight so it was good, almost a relief when the time came but I am still angry about my children. She like Crystal was a good woman. She one time, late in the evening while we sat by the fire, asked me if I was gay. It came out of nowhere and caught me totally by surprise. She simply wanted to let me know that it was okay if I was and that she would love me always. I had to explain to her that I was not. Don’t get me wrong I have played around more than once and I enjoy the experience of man the same as a woman but I am not gay. I don’t like labels that pigeonhole people into one thing, I like sex and I am not picky about the source. I am not sure what that makes me, I always just used the term horny.
My father was a different story, there was always a contentious relationship there. The older he got the less strained it became but he was a difficult man to deal with. I part of me says he got what he deserved. He would not listen to the doctors and continued to do things like smoking and drinking even though he knew where they would lead. I assume he wanted that. He died 3 years after my mother and I am surprised he made it that long without her. He as an ass but he loved her dearly and would have killed to make her happy. I remember one time when my mother was really sick, she told him that she always wanted a new car. He never bought new cars, always old and usually piles of shit. He could afford a new car just did not see the need to buy them. That Christmas he gave a check and sent to me to the dealership and get her a new Mustang convertible. She only could drive it for a short time but she loved that car so much. Confused the hell out of the car salesmen when I was trying to explain I just wanted to write a check for the care and not finance it. Still makes me tear up a little thinking about that. - after this I am going to go have a drink.
Last updated August 29, 2018