1. Doomsday Clock in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I knew that making an announcement about my intentions to leave LA was a very bad idea because my mother has done absolutely everything in her power to wind down the clock. Now, I’m not really blaming her for setting California on fire, but she got incredibly ill because of all the smoke.

It actually made me laugh when she said, through wildfire smoke-related coughs, “The smog in LA makes it unbreathable!” I mean, I lived in LA for years and it was never as bad as NorCal is because NorCal is almost entirely forests.

But she’s volunteered me for little things, set up obstacles. It’s frustrating because I knew it would happen the very minute I told her about my plan, and I did have a plan, and a timetable, and I knew that she would interfere like she always does. I still have never forgotten about Chicago…

When I moved to Chicago, I had said that it was so I could train to be a better performer and stand-up comedian. The truth was that I was going to go to school. I was accepted to Columbia College Chicago, but when I got there, my financial aid and housing was denied. I was left homeless in Chicago for six weeks. I got two jobs (three if you count the performing I did, which was what actually gave me money for an apartment, the other two just fed me and kept me mobile). So I worked massive amounts and went to school full-time, and managed to ace all of my classes.

Although I was only there for a short time, it kicked my ass. I was expected to come back next semester, but I couldn’t handle it. I’d never felt defeated in my life before, but Chicago wiped the floor with me. I couldn’t imagine having to continue, so I hopped on a bus (because that was all I could afford) back to Los Angeles.

A year later, I was at my mother’s house looking for a Christmas card or something and I found an open letter addressed to me in her desk. It was a letter from Columbia, I had gotten a full ride based on my academics and had housing approved. I confronted her about it and she told me that she held onto it knowing how hard I was having it in Chicago because it was better if I just returned back to California.

I have never forgotten that betrayal.

My feelings don’t matter to her, what matters is that she controls my destiny. That I make choices that she deems are necessary. My life would’ve been so different, and while I’m not regretting not having stayed, there were so many amazing opportunities there that I could have taken advantage of, friends that I have lost touch with because of that situation.

This will NOT be another Chicago. I am leaving. And fuck a timetable, fuck a plan, I’ll do it my way when I want to.