CW: DIET GARBAGE, BODY IMAGE ISSUES
DAY 6, BITCHES.
I went out to eat last night for the first time. There was a cheese/meat plate with a FUCKTON OF STUFF on it and I went to town. Obviously couldn’t count that shit because, like, how. It was all unfamiliar cheese. But you pretty much can’t fuck it up with meat and cheese.
I had 3 whiskeys. I was super careful since I’ve heard you can get fucked up on keto, but honestly I felt fine. Actually I think I felt LESS drunk than I normally would. Tho we did sip them for like 4 hours. Even with this added 300 calories, I’m almost certain I came in under my daily allowance (which is 1669 lol 69 lol olo lol ol) because yeeeeeah the lack of appetite seems to be a real fucking thing!
I did reggo coffee with heavy cream in it again instead of butter coffee, and oddly THAT acted as an appetite suppressant, just like my normal sugary coffee does. I don’t know what it is about the butter/oil in there that acts as a hunger trigger, but apparently heavy cream, WHICH IS JUST BUTTER THAT HASN’T HIT PUBERTY YET, doesn’t have the same effect.
Anyway. Today I woke up feeling fine (I’ve heard the hangovers are worse too so I was expecting to feel bad). Had sex. I was on top and I kinda felt like my stomach was less pronounced? I got up later and did the thing I do when I want to hate myself, which is lean forward and pinch all my belly fat between my fingers. AND, LO. THERE WAS LIKE. NOTICEABLY FUCKING LESS FAT. LIKE LESS FAT THAN I’VE FELT IN MONTHS IF NOT OVER A YEAR BECAUSE I’VE BASICALLY BEEN THE SAME AMOUNT OF BELLY CHUBBY FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE FOREVER.
Now, I’m not gonna say this is ALL FAT related. Maybe it’s the water weight loss finally kicking in? While we were eating at the bar–before I’d had more than a sip of whiskey–I found myself wildly thirsty and pounded like 4 glasses of water, despite having been drinking a regular amount all day. There’s a chance that was in response to my body suddenly deciding it’s DEFINITELY NOT GETTING ANY GODDAMN CARBS SOON and dropping the water weight like it’s hot.
But regardless of WHY my belly feels different, I will absolutely take the win. This definitely encourages me to keep it rolling.
Not that I had lost motivation, but I was worried that drinking was gonna cause the carb creep. Like, alcohol doesn’t have carbs, but it WAS a line I crossed. I hadn’t set a hard “don’t drink for this long” time frame, but I wanted to abstain for a while. I was like… ugh what if I wake up tomorrow and go “fuck it, i drank, might as well get a doughnut.” Or even just put a teaspoon of sugar in my coffee, or something.
It probably wouldn’t have happened but NOW IT DEF WON’T BECAUSE HOLY PROGRESS BATMAN.
And because I honestly don’t have much weight to lose anyway (about 10 pounds), I’ma slowly roll into some toning workouts. Set a precedent, get some habits going while I have the motivation, so even if I start to backslide, I’ll have multiple things in place that like… if I stop keto-ing well I can be like YEAH BUT I’M STILL DOING SQUATS/RUNNING/WHATEVER and idk it feels like a good idea but maybe isn’t cos I’ll get overwhelmed and quit everything at once, VINTAGE JESS.
Oh, I will say once I was up and about, I could definitely feel that I drank the night before. Definitely not Actual Hangover territory, but a little sluggish. Also now I have a teeny tiny baby headache? I don’t get headaches at all, so this is interesting to me. The only semi-headaches I get are from hangovers, and it’s like. Not even a headache. It feels like my back teeth on my upper jaw are aching? NOT MY ACTUAL HEAD. And it’s only a mild annoyance.
This one is in my actual brainspot. It’s still barely existent, but it’s never happened this way before. I can’t guarantee this is related to diet changes, but if not, it’s a pretty odd coincidence. It’d be weird if my body started manifesting dehydration differently than before because I’m eating a fuckton of cheese. HA HA.
Banging Misha tomorrow morn/afternoon, hooray! I did finally text him that I had time off, and he immediately responded “sorry for the lateness, its been surprisingly busy.” HUH. NOT TOO BUSY TO RESPOND INSTANTLY WHEN I TEXTED YOU BUT LITERALLY TOO BUSY TO SEND A TEXT UP UNTIL THIS EXACT MOMENT? HUH.
Then we made Friday plans and he was like “great, I’ll confirm tonight” and that was Tuesday, and I didn’t hear from him until this afternoon. LOL. This fuckin guy. Like maybe if you care so little about fucking me that you can’t be arsed to send a text within ANY TIME FRAME YOU’VE EVER GIVEN ME, you could instead stop making promises of timeframes at all? Literally why do you keep boxing yourself in like this? I HAVE GIVEN NO INDICATOR THAT I EXPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU. YOU SET UP THOSE EXPECTATIONS YOURSELF AND THEN CONSISTENTLY FAIL.
Thank God he’s pretty. And young enough that I can almost excuse it. Aaaaaalmost. But. He’s not a baby. 26 is an adult-ass age. I think after this time I’m just gonna be like “hey so trying to make plans with you doesn’t work at all, why don’t you just text me if you ever wanna get together again, otherwise I’m out.” Because like… I’ve been saying to myself “dude whatever we’re just fuckbuddies” but fuuuuuck that, common courtesy is common courtesy. You should extend it to literally any human you encounter, not just people you’re in love with. Christ.
K BACK TO… NOT GROCERY SHOPPING EVEN THOUGH I REALLY SHOULD.