La Croix and Chill in FOOD SHIT

  • July 3, 2018, 4:55 p.m.
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  • Public

CW: DIET STUFF.

I swear to God I’ll get less boring when I settle into this a little more. Probably?!?! (Ha ha yeah then I’ll go back to talking about failing to take dick with any regularity. SO THRILLING.)


DAY 4 AND I’M STILL FAT, KETO IS A LIE.

Ha ha jk jk jk I know that’s not how it works.

Last night I realized I’d left my blender container at work, so I couldn’t make butter coffee. :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

OH WELL, I wanted to see if that’s what’s making me hungry in the mornings anyway, and lo! It was! I’ve never been naturally hungry in the mornings, but if I force calories in my body before noon, it’ll rev my stomach motor and I’ll be hungry all friggin’ day.

Other people: Great, that means you’ve kick-started your metabolism!
Me: EXCEPT NOW I WILL EAT TWICE AS MUCH, IS THAT ACTUALLY HELPFUL WHEN I’M BURNING APPROXIMATELY THE SAME AMOUNT OF ENERGY??

So I have work coffee with heavy whipping cream and some shitty sweetener I bought cos I forgot to bring Stevia. Now it’s noon and I’m just starting to feel a couple hunger pangs, which is the normal time for me. Hooray!


I went over my calories yesterday, but not by much.

I know everything says you shouldn’t have to count calories on keto because SOMEHOW, MAGICALLY, IT ERASES CALORIES WITHOUT PROCESSING THEM THROUGH YOUR BODY APPARENTLY? But then some other stuff says “yeah no that’s insane, it’s still a calories in/calories out formula because that’s how the laws of physics work.”

I decided to ride the fence between the two and pick an upper-end estimate of what my daily intake should be to maintain my weight, and try to stick to that.

I need to remember:

  • I only started gaining noticeable weight when I started WILDLY overeating due to weed munchies. My body can self-stabilize pretty well.

  • when I drink beer (WHICH I DO FREQUENTLY), I drink microbrews, which are like 150-200 calories a pop. 2 beers in a night means I’m drinking a third of my calories for the day, and I still eat a normal amount on days I drink. There’s no way I’m not taking in fewer calories than I was. JUST BE COOL FOR A SECOND, IDIOT. EAT WHEN YOU’RE HUNGRY AND DON’T GET OBSESSED.

Speaking of. I’m getting hungry. Ha ha. I should probably eat something.

OH MY GOD THE MINI QUICHES FOR THE MONTHLY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION ARE KETO FRIENDLY AND I FUCKING LOVE THEM SO MUCH. Get inside me, Late Breakfast.


K SO IT’S BEEN AN HOUR SINCE I ATE THAT QUICHE AND I’M NOT EVEN REMOTELY HUNGRY AND IT’S THE ONLY THING I’VE EATEN TODAY. Hells yeah. It might have legit just been dat butter coffee. We’ll see!

None of the stuff I read mentioned being hungrier when you start keto, so I was getting worried. But I did some hunger-specific searches and a lot of people have this problem the first week. It sounds like it’s likely to level out in the second, and goes bye-bye in the third. If I make it that long. I’m still taking it one day at a time (though there’s no way in hell I’m quitting THIS soon).


Last thing: I’m really feeling the urge to buy a scale, and also last night I had fucking DREAMS about accidentally eating a cookie and kicking myself out of keto and then giving up and eating a bunch more cookies.

These are both major, major signs that I’m getting too obsessed, and I need to CHILL OUT. I don’t know how I’m gonna do that. Maybe make a conscious effort to think about other things, as I’ve essentially ONLY thought about my diet for the last three days. But I can get myself out of thought cycles. I know this! I’ve done it with both good and bad thoughts! Depression, infatuation, etc. (And this is more of a… neutral obsession?)

Obviously I’ll have to continue to dedicate a lot of mental energy to staying in keto until I get the hang of it, but I don’t have to spend all my free time thinking about it and researching it and dreaming of a future where this feels normal. FUCKING CALM DOWN.


It is 3 PM, 3 hours after mini-quiche and I’m still not hungry yet. I brought a salad for lunch that I’ll probably just eat for dinner now. #YOLOSWAG.

Time to go drink a La Croix and probably partially enjoy it for the first time in my entire life, considering unsweetened carbonated drinks are stupid and lame. BUT FLAVORED BEVERAGES VS. WATER ALL DAY FOREVER IS SLIGHTLY PREFERABLE I GUESS?


Last updated July 03, 2018


girl in recession July 03, 2018

I stopped doing butter coffee this week and I agree, I like not eating until like 230 or 3. And if I have meats then I'm not even hungry for the rest of the day.

Yours For Now... July 03, 2018

Wait. Are you saying your calorie max is like 1200 a day???

One Angry Dwarf Yours For Now... ⋅ July 03, 2018

LOL WHAT. Did I even mention my calorie max?

If I was trying to lose a pound a week, most apps put me around 1300. Maintenance is like 1500.

Yours For Now... One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 05, 2018

Yeah you said two beers would be a third of your daily intake. Holy shot that feels so low! I think my maintain is like 1600-1700? But I feel like that’s too low too lol

One Angry Dwarf Yours For Now... ⋅ July 05, 2018

I think it's this whole "based on a 2.000 calorie diet" thing on foodstuff that makes us feel that way, but as per most things, that was based on men's caloric needs. The first time I did a calculation based on my height/weight I was pissed that it was so low. LIKE. I THOUGHT 2,000 WAS COOL. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME.

Yours For Now... One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 05, 2018

I feel like it’s too low because I’m still hungry constantly even when I eat 1800-1900 or more lol

One Angry Dwarf Yours For Now... ⋅ July 05, 2018

You do dance a lot, is that baseline not accounting for all the exercise?

Yours For Now... One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 06, 2018

I haven’t been dancing since December. Still gym 3 days a week tho.

Yours For Now... One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 05, 2018

Maybe I have a tapeworm..

One Angry Dwarf Yours For Now... ⋅ July 05, 2018

Also, lol I'm dumb, that beer thing was a poor guess at math.

(Also: My current carb counting app puts me at 1669 per day to maintain, which is higher than anything else I've seen. So obviously I'm going with that instead of anything else, lol.)

Yours For Now... July 03, 2018

A friend of mine is keto only. It works great for her. It does not appeal to me at all.

Foofah July 03, 2018

I did some reading about butter coffee when you first mentioned it and SO MANY people said it curbed their appetite..so I was going to try it. I'm not interested in Keto as much as I am about not feeling like I'm starving every two hours.

One Angry Dwarf Foofah ⋅ July 03, 2018

I'm sure it does for most people, but I'm never hungry in the mornings UNLESS I eat something early, so of course it's gonna do the opposite for me when my appetite is already suppressed until noon.

sarahbaby. July 04, 2018

It took Tommy a few days to get the hang of keto and then he said it became easy. He doesn't count calories, just goes by hunger, aiming for 80% fat and max 20 grams of carbs a day. He's dropping weight and taking names

One Angry Dwarf sarahbaby. ⋅ July 04, 2018

That's fabulous! Yeah, yesterday I unintentionally ate 458 calories less than my goal, which was crazy because the day before that would have been impossible. (Well, possible lol, but I have no will power when I'm hungry.) So I think it's already getting easier. Crazy!

summertime sadness. July 04, 2018

k but do you pronounce it LA KWAHHHHH??

One Angry Dwarf summertime sadness. ⋅ July 05, 2018

Yeah I doooo, cos LP drinks it 24/7 and made fun of me for saying it wrong. He claimed he'd only heard idiots say it any other way, even though literally everyone I've ever heard pronounce it other than him says "la croy." Ugh why did I fall in love with such a douche.

summertime sadness. One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 05, 2018

It's.... it's actually pronounced "la croy". I mean, I say la-kwahhhh to be funny, because I'm a dick about all french sounding words, but...

https://www.lacroixwater.com/nutritionals/how-is-lacroix-pronounced/

I will now laugh at LP for calling everyone else idiots.

One Angry Dwarf summertime sadness. ⋅ July 05, 2018

OH MY GOD I AM TELLING HIM RIGHT NOW

summertime sadness. One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 05, 2018

Please do and let me know how it goes, bahahahahaha!

One Angry Dwarf summertime sadness. ⋅ July 05, 2018

Oh I will absolutely screenshot the convo for you once he responds. Ugh why is this idiot at work right now instead of EATING HELLA CROW.

summertime sadness. One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 05, 2018

He doesn't know it but he needs this moment of peace to prepare for the shame of lording his improper knowledge all over the plebs coming to an end.

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