My darling dear, oh can't you see, you've upset my anatomy in FOOD SHIT

  • July 2, 2018, 1:58 p.m.
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My boss isn’t back till Thursday, but by that point I’M OFF ON MY LONG FUCKIN’ WEEKEND. SUCK IT, WORLD.

CW: the rest of this entry is diet crap (btw I’ma start putting food crap like this at the bottom of entries every time SORRY I’M SO BAD AT CONTENT WARNINGS LITERALLY ALWAYS AND AM GONNA STEP UP MY GAME ON ALL SENSITIVE SUBJECTS)


Holy shit y’all. I’m still gonna do a video about this, but I didn’t get around to it on the weekend because I BARELY MOVED.

Okay. Saturday morning I was fine.

Saturday afternoon I was so low-energy, it was ridic. RIDIC. Like, HALF A DAY OF KETO should not be enough to put me into a fucking coma?!

There were other possible factors. I’d had 2 big beers the night before (like the 20oz bottles or whatever) cos I knew it was my last Beer Night for a damn long while. Not usually enough to give me a hangover, but it’s possible.

I also took Benadryl to sleep. Half a dose, but still can be enough to make me fuzzy the next day.

And then I took my meds later than usual because I wanted to make sure I had real food in my system (aside from BUTTER AND OIL IN COFFEE) before I took them. So maybe they made me feel extra weird that afternoon?

Regardless, I figured it could NOT be keto flu after like 14 HOURS WITHOUT CARBS LOL.

I just watched Star Trek all fucking day. By the end of it I realized I’d only had 4 grams of carbs (out of an allotted 21). Ha ha whoops, I GUESS I’M JUST TOO GOOD AT KETO, Y’ALL.

The next morning I decided to pee on a keto stick. I meant to do a control pee test the morning before but forgot. Figured it might as well be my control anyway, since the entirety of the internet says it takes 2 to 10 days to get into keto if you’re not (A) fasting or (B) using supplements to force it.

JUST KIDDING BECAUSE I WAS PISSING OUT SO MANY KETONES ON SUNDAY MORNING, THE TOILET BOWL DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HIT IT. Like it was actually HIGH LEVELS of ketones. (And I did another one after a bunch of water just to make sure it wasn’t dehydration and IT STILL PUT ME IN THE “HIGH” RANGE.)

Like literally how did that happen so fucking quickly?

I definitely didn’t fast, y’all. I ate like, 1700 calories. So why did my body so quickly switch to ketosis?

My only thought is that the internet said it takes your body longer to make the switch if you’ve never been in ketosis before.

But, I spent my late teens in a state of constant anxiety that kept me from eating. And then throughout my twenties, at least once a year I went through a phase where I could barely eat. (A full week was the longest I went without food.) So, I GUESS MY BODY IS PRETTY FUCKING FAMILIAR WITH STARVATION MODE, and knows how to turn on the fat-storage-burning immediately.

Or maybe it’s cos I ate 4 grams out of 21 allowed so it happened faster.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been consuming mostly carbs for SO FUCKING LONG that when it suddenly went to zero, my body IMMEDIATELY felt like it was starving?

I DON’T KNOW MAN, I’M NOT A SCIENTIST. And neither is practically anyone on the internet who writes supposedly factual posts about keto, so I’LL NEVER KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS.

Yesterday I didn’t do AS well because I didn’t realize shiitake mushrooms are insanely high in carbs until I’d already made us omelettes with them and that was 7 grams of carbs right there. But I still came in at 18 so I should be fine?

That’s an estimate, though. I’m not weighing my portions like I’m supposed to. I’m honestly trying to make sure I don’t get hyper obsessed and go into dark mental territory where I hate myself for every calorie I consume. It’s the same reason I don’t own a scale. The stronger the urge to buy one, the more I know I shouldn’t, because I’m already getting obsessive.

But the result of keeping myself in obsession-check is that I can’t guarantee I didn’t accidentally eat more carbs than I think? I’MA GO PEE ON A STICK RIGHT NOW AND SEE IF I’M STILL IN KETO.


Honestly it’s not that bad so far. First day I was constantly hungry, but I think my body just wasn’t registering what I ate as food cos it wanted carbs instead. Yesterday after my hefty duck egg omelette at noon, I didn’t get hungry again till 5. So I think my body is ALREADY adjusting. I was still tired, but not as bad.

Today I feel fine. Though tbh I think butter coffee just stimulates my appetite earlier in the day (and yoinks 250 calories from my total for the day, which is A FUCKING LOT), so I might have to cut that shit out. Like I just finished my dumb coffee that I started an hour ago, and I am very hungry and trying not to just out-of-control destroy a bunch of cheese and almonds.

I have a lot more thoughts on this but they’re boring to everyone but me, and I promised not to become That Guy. HA HA SORRY I’M THE WORST ALREADY.


K bye!!!!

Last updated July 02, 2018

Firebabe July 02, 2018

I never weigh myself when I'm trying to lose weight, I just go by the "are-these-pants-getting-looser?" method of weight tracking. LOL.

One Angry Dwarf Firebabe ⋅ July 02, 2018

YUUUUUP. I'ma take weekly measurements IF I REMEMBER, but I think my actual goal "weight" is gonna be a pair of jeans I bought that fit really well, then two weeks later I was too fat for them and have stayed that way for OVER A YEAR. I never even wore them outside. So if I can squeeze my ass into those again, I think I'll call it a win and move on and start easing up on restrictions.

sarahbaby. July 02, 2018

I also love the diet stuff. It's weirdly fascinating!

girl in recession July 04, 2018

I was told by the Dr who put me on keto to do it for 4-6 weeks straight AT LEAST before I decide to give up because apparently some people see zero results until the 6 week mark. All these people saying they lost 50 lbs on day 4 are ridiculous.

One Angry Dwarf girl in recession ⋅ July 04, 2018


I heard the only reason the first week is all about dat loss is because of water weight. But I don't actually think I lost any? Idk, I still refuse to buy a scale. I should do measurements today. But yeah, we'll see if I'm capable of doing anything that requires will power for that long, haha.

girl in recession One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 04, 2018

I didnt lose anything in the first week and I was 60 lbs overweight.

The second week I saw a water weight drop, but the nurse said that was because I was literally drinking 2 GALLONS of water a day. I don't drink water like that anymore, I can't. At the time though, they told me the more water I drink, the more water weight loss I'm going to see on the scale because your body retains water when it doesn't think it's going to get it from you drinking it.

So, after that I continued to drink hella water simply because 1-it filled my stomach up so I wouldn't want to eat so much and 2-it aided in water weight loss which gave me confidence that the diet was working.

But my beginning experience is totally different from yours, I had 60 lbs to lose so of course I'd lose faster. Right now I could lose 15 lbs and be happy, and it's probably going to take me a year on keto to accomplish that.

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