Hurry up in First Journal

I wish I could hurry up and get over her. I wish she would hurry up and realize she wants me back. Ha, that’ll never happen again. I still tear up every night before bed if I think about her. Like now. Like always. I miss her. I cant find anything that makes me feel the same as I did with her. I wish it wouldn’t make me sad to see her as a friend. I miss her voice and that smile she has most of all. I want to make her laugh again. I want to be able to hold hands with her again. She used to “scoop” my hand when she was driving and flip it over and out it on her thigh when she drove. I used to be a pest and not do it sometimes. I’d give my hand for it now. My heart will always miss her. I wish she chose me. She chose herself which is the smarter choice. She is smart. She has my love still. I cant give it to anyone yet because I haven’t gotten it back. Not even myself, because I feel so bad that I lost her. Like I blame myself for not being better or doing more. I could have then, and I still can now. I just wish that I could share my successes with her because it seems like less important now without her. Well I’m done crying time for bed.