Needle in the Back of my Head in Skirting the Edge of Sanity

• list text hereWhatever is going on, it feels like you’re trying damned hard to wrap things up, tie up loose ends, and say goodbye. It feels bigger than just stepping away from things for a while. There are things that are bugging me about it. I said before that goodbyes have never worked before, but you seem convinced it’ll work this time.

Why do you think this is it? Are you really looking toward an end? What happened?

You look healthy. Well, you look healthier than the member of my old group who just died. The last time he’d come into the store, I felt like it was the last time I’d see him, and he had a (not visible, but this look you could see to his features that had changed him) “mask” over his face that people close to the end get. He didn’t die quickly, either. It lingered a long time. But you do not seem to have that.

But then the only things I see are heavily adapted in a way to show the best of us. The pictures aren’t there to show us reality, after all. They’re there to keep us interested.

It’s been bugging me for 5 years, now. Because of the optimism and the way you speak, I blew it off.

But today it’s really getting to me. These were a hard four days. That much I know.

If you are saying goodbye for real, I don’t know how I’ll cope with it. In secret, of course. Fuck.

Fuck all of it.

2:15

Or do you think it’s me that’s not going to be here long. Well, that would make more sense. I’m not sure I can do this thing too much longer, anyway. And aside of filling my time with fun things, work things, and kid things, I don’t have a lot I really look forward to, anymore. That part is true. Then maybe the goodbye would work.

Last updated June 18, 2018