Crazy in First Journal

I think I’ve gone mad. To think this might work out well for me. The more I think about it the more I realize I would have to be a different person. I am too nice. Maybe if I can find a half way point that satisfies us both. She wants a dominating personality. I was brought up on please and thank you to get what I want. Certainly, I could be more aggressive. I want to be because I’ve been accommodating to everyone around me too long. I need to get and seek what I want more often. Sometimes I don’t even ask for what i want but I’m supposed to be demanding.? That’s like 3 steps further. It hurts me to think she wants what’s a step or 2 away from an actual abusive mate. She says she is turned on by someone who would tell her to get a beer for them. Or make a sandwich. The fucking stereo typical wife beater wearing asshole who is demeaning. That’s what she wants in a partner. She knows me too well. She knows that’s not who I am even if I try. I want to tell her to get out more. Tell her what I want and do it listen to what she wants and get it for her. I want it to be both ways. Maybe that kind of balance will work. So She can see that i have that desire but i can take it myself and I don’t need her. She will see right through me but im crazy about her so lets get fucking crazy.

Last updated June 10, 2018