A Novel Connection in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I’m I haven’t written in ages, but I’ve been focusing so much on my novel that it has completely sapped by desire to write elsewhere.

A strange thing happened to me recently, I was finally at the part of the novel where the main character loses his virginity to his love interest, and I had a severely difficult time writing it. It took me almost a week to write a simple, short little scene. When I was finished, I realized it was because that the way the scene plays out is based on the way I lost my virginity and that I was having an emotional reaction to having to recreate that moment.

You know, I’ve written about it, but to have to actually put myself back in the mindset of what I felt, how frightened I was, what it felt like to have this man I liked, although he was a near stranger to me, fulfilling what I didn’t want to admit was my fantasy. I’ve spent so many ages reflecting on that moment that having to relive it, frankly left me a little emotionally paralyzed.

I don’t know why I’m writing this because it doesn’t change that I was feeling. But i’m alive and still traumatized.